tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63648141794061368412024-03-13T15:22:08.528-07:00Gaymmaster ProblemsA blog in which I discuss roleplaying, gamemastering, & being a gay gamer.Dai Gardnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14394145258658247729noreply@blogger.comBlogger51125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6364814179406136841.post-29231782161077296852017-05-30T18:12:00.001-07:002017-05-30T18:20:13.037-07:005e at the Citadel: The Gang Almost Causes A Zombie Apocalypse<b style="font-size: x-large;">A</b>fter <a href="http://gaymmasterproblems.blogspot.com/2017/05/5e-at-citadel-beauty-is-in-eye.html">The One With the Gauth</a>, the party divvied up treasure (four ways since Gilroy <i>and</i> Charmagnus still had to work dumb mundane world jobs). Of note, Valen got the cloak that let him turn into a bat and Julius got the boots of stealth. The party very firmly decided not to go back to Hagatha, Haras, and Hindra, and thus forged on the opposite way. They traveled for about a day, realized they were pretty much not in swamps any more, and as night fell, they set up camp. <br />
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Now, the idea they came up with was pretty clever: hang the curtain to the secret room with the Chimera heads between two trees and everyone can sleep in the curtain while someone stands guard. Valen turned into a bat with his cloak and hung up in a tree, Keeri Lo decided to go nearby to a stream, and Julius settled into his elven trance. Now, the stream was a little ways off, and Keeri Lo took solace in getting wet and just being alone for a bit, but since this is a D&D game, something clearly happened.<br />
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<i>Ah the joys of seemingly random encounters. Forget biotopes...but really, I have biotope random encounter charts for this game I haven't used yet.</i></div>
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If this were a normal sort of game, I'd have probably had him roll randomly for some killer leeches or water spirits or something. However, I had planned for something to be at that stream, and that something was a man clad in moldering leather armor with shackles on his ankles and wrists that attached him to a huge chunk of iron. He was dragging it doggedly up the stream. Keeri Lo was interested and approached.<br />
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The man introduced himself as Valdraaz, and in conversation, mentioned that he had to get to the Green Hill to blow the horn there to summon his army. Why? Keeri Lo asked that same question, and got some answer about making the nobles of some place that Keeri Lo had never heard of called Shriev pay for what they'd done to him. Now, call our adventurers many things, but they're not typically the sort who dig on entangling themselves in feuds. Keeri Lo took his leave and went back to the party and woke them up.<br />
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Everyone (aka Keeri Lo, Julius, Valen, and Fechedette) headed back to the man in the stream, easily finding him, because he hadn't gotten that far on account of the giant chunk of metal he was dragging. With a new round of Perception checks, they figured out that he was actually dead--some sort of bog preserved undead which totally explained the moldy armor. Julius also (with a nice little History check) remembered that Shriev was one of the city states that now formed the hinterland of Salas (aka the place they were all headed to). <br />
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Putting two and two together, they figured that Valdraaz blowing the horn was probably bad, reminded him that Shriev was gone, Valdraaz got angry, and then when Valen tried to stop the chunk of metal from moving, Valdraaz snapped. His first blow sent Valen flying back (and did a good 14 points of damage), and the fight was on. <br />
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Valdraaz hit like a truck, and even worse, was strong enough to chuck the metal piece he was attached to at people and drag himself with it. Finally, after Valen went down, Keeri Lo healed Valen back up, and Fechedette used her mud queen powers to throw mud in Valdraaz's face to blind him, they struck the final blow, and Valdraaz melted into the earth, leaving the metal chunk and the chains behind. They took the (slightly magical) treasure back to camp, stowed it and them in the curtain, and went to sleep with Bat!Valen on watch.<br />
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<i>We all know where this is going...</i></div>
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Valen woke first the next morning, which was worrysome, because he was supposed to be on watch. Nothing seemed to be wrong, so he started waking people up in their curtain/tent. That was when he and Julius realized that something was hiding behind the curtain. Julius flicked back the curtain to reveal a Lamia, Valen pulled the curtain back to hide the Lamia again, and then the Lamia stalked around the curtain to address the party. </div>
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She introduced herself as Mira, and ordered them to return what they'd taken, dressing them down for meddling. The party was confused and very put out by the angry Lamia. Julius tried to trick her into going into the curtain (almost certainly so they could just trap her inside and wait for her to die and deal with the issue that way), she refrained, and Fechedette snuck into the curtain to consort with the Barrys. </div>
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<i>This kind of Lamia, btw. Not the snakey kind.</i></div>
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The Barrys said that Valdraaz was a revolutionary who some nobles had thrown into a bog 800 years ago. Fechedette said he seemed a little more alive than that, and she ran out of the curtain as the party was gearing up to fight the Lamia to keep their treasure. Cooler (hotter, in the case of Keeri Lo, who was trying to put the moves on the Lamia) heads prevailed, and they decided not to fight, and the team begrudgingly decided to help the Lamia defeat Valdraaz.</div>
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Why? Well, Mira told them she was the current member of a bloodline that had to stop the undead Valdraaz from traveling from his resting place in the bogs to Gree Hill and make sure he didn't blow the horn there. Why? If he blew the horn, the remains of his sizeable army would rise from their graves and destroy the world. Keeri Lo cast some divination to find the closest set of moldering leather armor, found lots and lots buried in the area, decided Mira was for realsies, and off they went.</div>
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Since Valdraaz was unshackled, Mira didn't know how fast he was travelling, so they decided to make it to Gree Hill and just deal with him when they arrived. Keeri Lo turned into a <a href="http://gaymmasterproblems.blogspot.com/2017/05/5e-at-citadel-beauty-is-in-eye.html">red, wooden horse</a>, Julius and Fechedette rode him, and Valen rode in the curtain with the Barrys. Julius noticed some Celestial writing on a mace that Mira carried, Valen popped his head out and translated it, and discovered it to be a blessed mace. Mira explained that it had been passed down generation to generation in her family and was the only way to make Valdraaz not sink into the earth and escape when he was defeated. </div>
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<i>Not a bad skill set for a fancy baseball bat.</i></div>
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Without much hassle (and about a half day's ride), they got to Gree Hill. Note, that it was a very green hill, but it was called Gree Hill like someone forgot the 'e' when they wrote the word "Green" in the campaign notes half an hour before leaving to DM, decided that Gree was a fine name for a hill, and left the name in place because the only person who would remember the name of the hill 15 minutes after they showed up was the someone who made the mistake anyways. On the top of the hill were several cairn stones and a giant horn made of metal on top of some rocks and held in place with bands of iron. The party tried to just make off with the horn and discovered that it was magic-ed in place by powerful DM fiat magic, and settled in to wait for Valdraaz to show up.</div>
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It was mid afternoon, people decided to nap, and while the Lamia napped, Fechedette snuck over, made stealth checks, passed, and trimmed a little bit of fur off of the Lamia. She then used her mud queen powers to make a tiny replica of the Lamia with the hair inside then used some cantrips to bake the mud into a statue and hid the statue in her bag. When asked why by her curious DM, the player simply stated that "you never know when it's useful to have something like that." Everyone nodded sagely, and we moved on with the game. </div>
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<i>When your players start harvesting the hair of your NPCs while they sleep...</i></div>
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As darkness fell, the party and Mira readied themselves. Then they waited. As the moon rose, Valen was the first to notice that there were four figures that had manifested outside the light that the moon shed on the top of the hill. It was Valdraaz and four of his risen warriors, and they attacked almost immediately, the three zombies trying to tie up the party and Valdraaz going straight for Mira.</div>
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Now, I want to go on record and say that my dice decided they hated Mira, and within two rounds, she'd almost dropped, because Valdraaz was a Wight and they do scary damage and their drain effect is similarly scary when you're failing saves. Valen started using his swashbuckling skills to deal with the zombies, but 5e zombies don't die unless they fail a save, and they kept staying up. Keeri Lo wildshaped into a giant octopus, and then realized his move speed was balls and started inching towards Valdraaz. It took a couple rounds, but eventually he attacked, grappled, and held the Wight still.</div>
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Julius cast <i>Tasha's Hideous Laughter </i>and Valdraaz failed the save. The we literally sat there in a holding pattern until Fechedette and her <i>Witch Bolt </i>finally killed Valdraaz, because everyone's dice finally rebelled and nobody could hit anything, but the enemies were mostly dealt with and restrained. Valen took down the final few zombies as the party started healing up and wrestled the heavy iron shackles from the curtain onto Valdraaz.</div>
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We ended there, and will pick up next session with the aftermath of the gang helping a Lamia potentially save the world. Not your typical encounter with a Wight and 3 zombies, that's for sure. </div>
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Dai Gardnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14394145258658247729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6364814179406136841.post-56889124112834143012017-05-13T23:37:00.000-07:002017-05-13T23:37:16.421-07:005e at the Citadel: Beauty Is In the Eye<b style="font-size: x-large;">W</b>e last left our adventurers with Fechedette, the Mud Queen, digging them out of the collapsed way shrine to <a href="http://gaymmasterproblems.blogspot.com/2017/05/5e-at-citadel-your-name-is-mud.html">Pok the Mud God</a> with her new mud powers. Somewhere in the shrine, Charmagnus disappeared due to his chaos magic (and the player not being able to show up). As Fechedette opened up the mouth of the cave, the party saw a small warband of goblins waiting for them at the mouth of the cave. Two were riding giant crabs, they had two casters, and there were a half dozen foot soldiers as well. Terrible odds for our 2nd level heroes. <br />
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The goblins demanded (in common) that the party lay down their weapons, because the party was being summoned by "the ladies." Evidently, these "ladies" were in charge of the goblins, and, as the party discovered during a brief parlay, they had been watched and deemed powerful enough for an audience. The party used this to their advantage and in return demanded that the goblins lay down <i>their</i> arms and escort the party. Keeri Lo turned into a giant crab, Julius spoke as the voice of the crab lord, goblins bowed and mostly bought it. After a brief whispered discussion, the two goblins riding on crabs told the rest to give up their weapons, and the party had an unarmed escort to...somewhere.<br />
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That <i>somewhere</i> ended up being a village several miles away in a bay by the ocean where there was a goblin town made of mud huts and buildings created from several wrecked ships. As the party entered the town with their escort, goblins lined the streets, forsaking their menial jobs and play to see the crab king and company. Even the goblin daycare (complete with bugbear nursemaids) came out to see them as they wound through the crooked streets to a huge house in the middle where three women waited on the veranda to meet them. <br />
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The first woman was an ancient crone asleep in a rocking chair, the second a grumpy and pudgy middle aged woman, and the third was a young lady who looked like Amy Winehouse. The youngest lady took the lead, greeting them excitedly with a loud, nasal voice and gushing over how stoked she was to finally meet them, because the ladies had "been watching the party for a while to see if they were the kind of people they needed." The youngest lady introduced herself as Hindra, the grumpy one was introduced as Haras, and the oldest was Hagatha, and the party was invited into the home for dinner.<br />
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<i>RIP. Also, voiced by <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSmp1ZSvelY">Janice from Friends.</a></i></div>
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Inside the house, the party was first struck by how large the house was compared to the outside. Clearly, magic was at play here. Secondly, they were overwhelmed by the amount of...stuff inside. There were Hoarders style piles of boxes, crates, scrolls, weapons, clothing, armor, tapestries, and just random junk everywhere. As Haras moved off to start the dinner (and Hagatha stayed asleep on the front porch), Hindra leveled with the party and explained why they had used their goblin minions to summon them to meet with the three ladies. </div>
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Basically, the ladies were tied to the area magically (speculation, in order, ran: hags, fey, or minor deities. nobody got a straight answer on what they were). A green dragon, just a small one, had stolen a magical jewel from the ladies several months back, and the ladies wanted their artifact returned but couldn't get to the dragon. They wanted the party to go recover the jewel and offered dinner and item-based compensation plus whatever they wanted from the dragon's hoard as log as they returned the jewel. </div>
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After pretending to use the bathroom, slipping into the curtain, and consulting with the Barrys (the chimera heads gave no real answer other than their master was scared of the ladies while he was still alive), the party decided that they could really use some more stuff and agreed to help. Everyone went to bed except Keeri Lo, who slipped out of the guest room after his friends were sleeping. He was searching for Hindra, who had also gone to bed, but the newly awakened Hagatha pointed our horny merman to Hindra's room, where the sexy time happened. Both Hindra and Keeri Lo had "a good time", and our merman slipped back into the guest room. Julius and Valen woke up enough to guess what had happened, but everyone slept for the rest of the night.</div>
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<i>It's been a while since I've had to do one of these in a game...</i></div>
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The next morning, the party was given wooden, toy horses by the hags over breakfast. Keeri Lo took the red horse, which comes into play later, and there was a white one, black, green, and blue too. Each could turn into a full sized wooden horse that could unerringly take its rider to a set location. The team took off, and headed to the dragon.</div>
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Finally, they found the ruined keep where the dragon supposedly lived, parked the horses in the nearby woods, and decided to come up with a plan. There were several trees growing through the keep's walls, and since they couldn't see the dragon, they surmised that it was hiding in the trees. Keeri Lo decided that he would head up to the keep and try to draw the dragon away by turning into something that could outrun it while the rest of the party looted its hoard.</div>
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Keeri Lo headed in, and was quickly confronted by a juvenile green dragon. Because of course why not, he flirted with it, it threatened to eat him (oddly flirtatiously), he turned into a seagull, and a chase scene commenced. The rest of the party sneaked into the ruined keep, busted into an old storeroom, realized there wasn't much there, and headed to the stairs. Upstairs, they found a hole in the roof and the dragon's nest (which was made of pine branches and thousands of copper pieces), so they headed back downstairs and down to the basement.</div>
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In the meantime, Keeri Lo was leading the dragon on a merry chase. He had noticed a collar on her, and also noticed that when he got too far away from the keep, she kept herding him back, so he decided to land. She did too, and they spoke. Through the sexual tension, he realized that the dragon was actually a princess dragon captured and kept in the tower by someone she referred to as "the master" and that his friends were in grave danger. The dragon let him go, and he turned into a horse to race back. Now, as a merfolk, he had never seen horses before, so he turned into a red one, and this became a bit of a running joke. </div>
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<i>Who cares if it stretches the Wildshape rules? It's not mechanically different, and it's funny.</i></div>
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In the basement, the party found a giant brush pile, a well, and a locked door. Something moved in the brush pile, and Valen was suddenly hit by a beam of energy that made him extremely afraid. Fechedette shot a <i>firebolt </i>at the huge piles of brush hoping to burn them off, and illuminated a huge, hulking, circular form with tentacles. It then shot a beam of energy at her that paralyzed her, and a struggle followed with the Gauth (for that is what it was) doing serious work on Valen, Fechedette, and Julius (because remember, Charmagnus and Gilroy's players were not present). </div>
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Luckily for the party, red wooden horse Keeri Lo charged in several rounds later, and despite quite a lot of damage for the party, and most of them having been hit with paralyzing or fear rays at least once, they managed to take out the evil Gauth who was holding a dragon princess captive in a tower, because occasionally messing with tropes is fun, and I wanted to throw a Beholder at the party, but they were only 2nd level. </div>
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<i>Beholders and Beholder-kin (including Gauths/Spectators from 5e) are my favorite D&D monsters. Also, <a href="http://christopherburdett.blogspot.com/2014/10/dungeon-dragons-monster-manual-gauth.html">obligatory artist credit.</a></i></div>
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After the party did some quick healing, they dealt with the fact that the fire Fechedette had started in the brush the Gauth was hiding in had started smoking out the room, and set to work on the locked door. Once it was open, they discovered a veritable treasure trove with the following treasure:</div>
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<li>+1 Darkwood Longspear</li>
<li>+1 Longsword</li>
<li>Brooch that gives the wearer a 1D4 bite attack, does 1 poison damage a round after the bite for 11 rounds if the victim doesn't make a DC13 CON save, and lets the user talk to snakes</li>
<li>Boots of +4 Stealth</li>
<li>Cloak that lets the user <i>Wildshape</i> into a bat 1x a night.</li>
<li>Several mundane but nice tapestries</li>
<li>5 pieces of carved elephant ivory</li>
<li>2 suits of scale mail</li>
<li>500 GP</li>
<li>An elephant foot trash can that is enchanted to automatically write any "trash" thrown into it out of existence. DM chooses what constitutes trash so the players don't throw enemies into it.</li>
<li>The realization that their DM was being nice and was consistently giving them way too much treasure for their level.</li>
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They also found a Lesser Orb of Green Dragon Control, which they quickly realized the danger of, especially when the baby green dragon came back and told them about how much her dad hated it and how it was what was keeping her a slave. The party also realized that the Ladies had sorta lied to them, because the dragon hadn't stolen the orb. The Gauth had just had it in his collection, and the Ladies had severely underplayed how powerful the artifact was. Clearly, this was the Ladies trying to steal someone else's powerful treasure. The party decided they didn't want the Ladies to have the orb, set the dragon free, but Julius kept the orb to keep it safe and keep them safe if the dragon decided to come back to hurt them. He's a paranoid fellow.</div>
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We left off with the party ascending to level 3. A good time was had by all, and I got to use a cool Beholder mini I got for a fight. It was a good night. </div>
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Dai Gardnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14394145258658247729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6364814179406136841.post-34206400310541446282017-05-11T17:35:00.002-07:002017-05-11T17:39:19.122-07:005E at the Citadel: Your Name Is Mud<b style="font-size: x-large;">O</b>nce upon a time, the person playing our noble Firbolg, Gilroy, had a job that changed his hours so he couldn't come play D&D with his friends on a Friday night. His noble DM did what he could to not write his character out of the game despite him not being present and the party being on a wilderness adventure. This is that tale.<br />
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<strike>Our nobl</strike>...these guys had decided at the end of <a href="http://gaymmasterproblems.blogspot.com/2017/04/5e-at-citadel-player-trap.html">last session</a> to camp out in the house of the magical Firbolg that had died on the shitter and thus left them with the contents of his house. Said contents included three talking, taxidermized Chimera heads named Barry, some low grade spellbooks, a magic teapot, and some potions and herbs. Also a little bit of gold. They had decided to set a watch, and by DM fiat, Gilroy had decided to take the last watch.<br />
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Everyone woke up well after when Gilroy should have woken them all up, which was worrysome. Even more worrysome was that he was not in the house. When they finally found him (on the front porch in a Firbolg sized rocking chair), he was petrified. <br />
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<a href="http://www.relatably.com/m/img/petrified-memes/d6fd1c2e2c93be831ce92442bcd7be6e.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.relatably.com/m/img/petrified-memes/d6fd1c2e2c93be831ce92442bcd7be6e.jpg" height="218" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>Not like this</i></div>
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After poking him to figure out what was going on, a clucking from around the corner of the house alerted them to a Cockatrice that was pecking around. A few Arcana and Nature checks verified that Gilroy should actually be not petrified any more, which was cause for consternation among the exceedingly paranoid group. A Medicine check cleared up some of the cause for alarm, however, when it was noticed that this was in like with an allergic reaction to Cockatrice venom, They decided they needed to kill the Cockatrice and they could just chuck Gilroy in the curtain extradimensional space room with the Chimera heads and move on.</div>
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They also noticed that there was a cart with a suspiciously open and Cockatrice sized cage in the nearby woods, and they noticed Goblin sounding sniggering from behind the house. Valen, Fechedette, and Charmagnus opted to take on the Cockatrice, while a medium sized giant crab charged at Keeri Lo and Julius from the side of the house they heard goblin laughter from. Putting two and two together, they remembered that the goblin wizards from <a href="http://gaymmasterproblems.blogspot.com/2017/04/the-story-begins-withthese-guys.html">the first session</a> had crab familiars, they figured the goblins just liked crabs, and engaged in combat.</div>
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Now, poor rolls were had by all in the Valen/Fechedette/Charmagnus vs. Cockatrice battle. The two casters singed it with <i>firebolts</i> while Valen and the Cockatrice both wiffed at each other until chip damage from cantrips finally took their toll on the turkey sized lizard bird critter. Keeri Lo, ever the wily Druid, turned into a giant crab with his <i>Wildshape</i> (and everyone promptly had their mind blown when I produced a second Giant Crab Pathfinder Pawn for the battle mat, because I totes prepared for this). The goblins ran away, and some crab on crab violence ensued.</div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UmDdWtL8Wk4/VODvnsOwj4I/AAAAAAAAA28/lEdSPSRApD0/s1600/Cockatrice.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="218" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UmDdWtL8Wk4/VODvnsOwj4I/AAAAAAAAA28/lEdSPSRApD0/s1600/Cockatrice.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>The size of a turkey.</i></div>
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Keeri Lo won, of course, and quickly clambered on top of the fallen crab and waved his crab hands in victory. The party repurposed the goblin cart so that Keeri Lo (in crab form) could pull it and took the delicious meat out of the enemy crab. After graciously and unscientifically letting Valen go into the curtain extradimensional space to check and see if there was air in there (there was, plus there was no roof, only a view of stars), they chucked their petrified Firbolg bud into the room, packed up, and moved on out before more goblins decided to find them and try to enact revenge with more petrifying poultry.</div>
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They hiked through more mud, and as the day went on, it started to rain. The mating calls of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHaD1VsVFBQ">alligators</a> rang out in the background, and the party decided they needed to find some cover. They found a way shrine to the god, Pok, the deity of mud, lightning, and fire caused by lightning striking dead trees (because I am a firm believer in making weird-ass things to worship in D&D). Said way shrine was a mud cave in the side of a ravine, and the party settled in to avoid the storm that was starting to rage outside.</div>
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<a href="http://www.sarelson.com/wp-content/themes/sarel-emblg/images/alligator.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.sarelson.com/wp-content/themes/sarel-emblg/images/alligator.jpg" height="206" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>You probably just watched a Youtube video of alligators having sex.</i></div>
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As the party slept, a landslide caved in the front of the cave/shrine, trapping them inside, because I wanted a mud dungeon, and I decided to exercise my DM right to force them to go into the mud dungeon. There was a tunnel that had opened in the back of the cave. They cast <i>light</i> and went in. Actually, specifically, Keeri Lo <i>wildshaped</i> into a small crab and scouted ahead. He found a big mud room that had a thigh deep pool of stagnant muddy water at one end. There was also another tunnel that rose out from the muddy water that he decided not to traverse, because the rest of the party had gotten bored and decided to follow him. </div>
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Valen waded into the water and felt something brush against his boot. Then he felt his boot get corroded away and his foot started to burn due to acid damage. Everyone started looking around to see what was there, pretty much nobody made the perception check, but those that eventually did noticed a pair of Grey Oozes in the water. </div>
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A note to DMs. Grey Oozes in 5th Edition D&D are disgusting party killing monsters. I didn't read the stat block before using them. I just wanted oozes, saw the grey ones were within a good challenge rating range for the party, and added the page number to my notes (this was about a CR1 challenge for a party of five level 2 characters at full strength). No, these little shits can KO a full HP Fighter in one hit. They almost did that to Valen, I used my DM screen to change my roll not to, because I realized how insane that was for a throwaway encounter, and scaled several <i>DICE</i> off of the damage for these little fuckers.</div>
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<i>Party. Killer.</i></div>
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Moving on, the party killed them, healed a bit, because the Grey Oozes were still really insanely good and did a lot of damage, and then decided to head off down the other tunnel. What they don't know is that I cut about 5 rooms and 3 traps out of the dungeon because of how bad that challenge went and the fact that we were running out of night and I wanted the boss fight and treasure room at the end, because I spent a lot of time on it. Let this be a message to all you DMs who make their own dungeons and material: gauge the night, gauge the party, and make changes on the fly to keep the game awesome.</div>
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You. Don't. Have. To. Run. Things. As. Written.</div>
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/soapbox.</div>
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The final room was a huge chamber with pillars of mud and a mud altar at the far end. On said altar was a crown made of dried mud. Clearly <i>someone </i>had to pick it up and put it on. That someone was Fechedette, and putting it on summoned a gigantic Mud Elemental. It was a huge fight, Valen got knocked unconscious, and finally the creature fell to spell and sword. We had fun, laughed, rolled dice, and it was a great night.</div>
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<a href="https://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/spiritedaway/images/1/11/RiverSpiritFilth.png/revision/latest?cb=20120724151709" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="171" src="https://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/spiritedaway/images/1/11/RiverSpiritFilth.png/revision/latest?cb=20120724151709" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>I like to think that afterwards the Mud Elemental went to a nice bathouse somewhere and had a soak.</i></div>
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The crown Fechedette had grabbed ended up granting her control over mud beings, the ability to throw balls of mud, conjure mud, and shape mud (albeit not quickly). She is also now the Queen of Mud and is always slightly grimy. The player is beyond pleased. They ended the session with her heading back up to the entrance to dig them out with her newfound magic. </div>
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Dai Gardnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14394145258658247729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6364814179406136841.post-18423640931991052742017-04-30T19:41:00.002-07:002017-04-30T19:51:36.320-07:005E at the Citadel: The Player Trap<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>S</b></span>o session two <a href="http://gaymmasterproblems.blogspot.com/2017/04/the-story-begins-withthese-guys.html">(Session 1 here).</a>…<o:p></o:p></div>
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We start somewhere else in the world where Valen the ex
pirate captain Aasimar (lots of backstory that I have worked into my overall
plot, don’t worry Austin) has awoken drunk in the woods. He was drunk in the woods because he had been
drunk in town because his crew mutinied and left him there and then he’d run
away when the <strike>Fire Nation </strike>Frost Giants attacked and then passed out in the
woods. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Unfortunately, he didn’t know where he was, since the party
was in the middle of nowhere and there wasn’t a super logical easy way to bring
in a character who’s player had to miss the first session, Valen ran into a
goblin running through the woods. Yes,
that goblin. The one that got away from
the fight in the previous session. Valen
and the goblin both stopped, looked at each other, decided they were both cool,
and just went in opposite directions. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Due to a twist of fate/DM fiat, Valen wandered right into
the ruins of a goblin camp as a party of adventurers set up their bedrolls for
the night amid the wreckage. The party
and Valen traded pleasantries, and they decided he could come with them but not
have any of their cash. That was good
enough for Valen, as he was originally from Salas, and they bedded down. Charmagnus the Wild Magic Sorceror has the
Bad Dreams flaw, and fortunately Julius our Elven Bard rolled that he has a
nightcap that gives good dreams as his trinket at the beginning of play, so
they were able to have a neat little bonding moment. They set up watches, and we moved to the next
day.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The landscape started to change from deciduous forests to
swampland, and the proximity of the sliver of land they were on between
mountains and sea meant that most water they found was brackish. They had officially entered The Saltmarch,
the treacherous marshes at the southern ends of the mountains that blocked trade
to the south of Anchorheim. The party
had to deal with mud, itchy plants, and swarms of bugs (all in narration,
because I’m not a dick of a DM who makes people roll to swat mosquitos). </div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="http://nijhoom.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/ratargul_swamp_forest.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://nijhoom.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/ratargul_swamp_forest.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>Imagine this for probably the next few blogs about this game...</i></div>
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<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
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<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
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As they passed by a muddy bog, they rolled for a random
encounter, and several globs of mud hit the party coupled with cackling from the mud.
Valen was stuck to the ground by mud, and the party discerned a pair of
Mud Mephits. They lured them out of the
bog with insults, but the pair landed in tree branches overhead just out of
reach. That led to a bit of an issue for
the ranged weapon deficient party, and Fechedette, the crafty Illusionist,
created an illusion of a sexy, female Mud Mephit to lure them off. It distracted one, but the other passed it’s
Wisdom Save, but was quickly cut down by a spear and some Firebolts. They then had time to disentangle from the
mud and deal with the second Mephit before moving on their way.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/forgottenrealms/images/c/c3/Mud_Mephit-5e.png/revision/latest?cb=20161212193937" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/forgottenrealms/images/c/c3/Mud_Mephit-5e.png/revision/latest?cb=20161212193937" height="298" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>Mud Mephit</i></div>
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<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
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<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
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That little encounter out of the way, they found what
appeared to be a game trail that avoided the worst of the swamp, and followed
it. A few Perception checks later, they
noticed the fungus covered trees they were passing through seemed to be some sort
of mushroom farm. A little later, the
berry bushes appeared to be some sort of clandestine harvesting ground. They came around a bend, and found themselves
confronted with a little cottage.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Anyone who has read the backlog of my blog will notice
several similarities between what happened next and <a href="http://gaymmasterproblems.blogspot.com/2014/09/session-two-deuce.html">something similar</a> I ran for
a group several years back. It is. I’m not sorry. I liked it, and that game didn’t go anywhere,
so I reused something I loved. I changed
bits, so nyah.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Anyways, the house was a little large for Medium sized
creatures, so Gilroy was pretty much at home, but everyone else felt
short. They noticed a really bad smell
from the nearby outhouse, and they discovered the rotting corpse of a Firbolg
clutching its chest. Clearly, the owner
of the house had a heart attack while taking a dump (a surprisingly common
occurrence, evidently). They were free
to loot!<o:p></o:p></div>
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Entering the house, they discovered a few items of
note. In the cupboards, they found some
potions, coffee (gives the benefits of a long rest after a short rest, but in
return, they need to take a long rest as their next rest), some gold under a
mattress, and a self filling and heating kettle. Also, there was a book about mushrooms and a
beginner book of Wizard spells on the bookshelf and some herbs on a herb
rack. In all, a nice haul for a first
level party. That was hardly the
best/worst part of it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Remember, I shamelessly ripped off something I did in a
previous game…<o:p></o:p></div>
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There was a curtain against a wall, and when they drew it
aside, behind it was a small room that was not of the same dimension of the
house they were in. In that
extradimensional room, three poorly taxidermized heads were on the walls (a goat,
a lion, and a lizard) and there was a silver basin and large velvet bag inside
a circle carved into the floor. Inside
the velvet bag was a silver Athame and a gris gris necklace.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/50/7f/bb/507fbb5190ce743d74671b3523f8dd2a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/50/7f/bb/507fbb5190ce743d74671b3523f8dd2a.jpg" width="234" /></a><a href="https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/66/bc/98/66bc989e59226e157a807e15259b45e0.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/66/bc/98/66bc989e59226e157a807e15259b45e0.jpg" width="260" /></a></div>
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<i>On the top an Athame, on the bottom, a Gris Gris (basically a small bag worn as an amulet full of gross spell components).</i></div>
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There was some argument over who should put on the necklace
or if it should be worn at all. Valen
and Gilroy were all about wearing it, and Fechedette skeptically sided with
them. Keeri Lo and Julius were
definitely against it (note that Keeri Lo’s player was actually in the game
where I did this the first time).
Charmagnus just wanted all the stuff and was just trying to get everyone
to give the stuff to him.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Eventually, Valen just put the necklace on, and discovered
that by wearing the necklace, he could speak with the three heads of the
taxidermized Chimera. It was named
Barry. The lion head was helpful and dim
witted. The goat was insulting and
intelligent, and the lizard/dragon head was so poorly made it just unintelligibly
mumbled. After some confusion over who
Valen was talking to and if the poor pirate had finally gone mad, Julius put
the necklace on, decided the level of crypticism that the chimera met his
questions with meant it was evil and plotting.
Fechedette thought things were fine after talking to Barry, Charmagnus
was cool with it too, and Keeri Lo sided with Julius against the beast
again. Gilroy just kept getting skipped
in turn order and when he finally got to talk to Barry, everyone was cross with
each other, the Chimera was annoyed and pleading to just be taken with them,
and Valen had taken the heads off the wall and put them back up at least
twice. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Team #cynic, aka Julius and Keeri Lo, wanted to alternately
burn the heads, leave them while hiding the necklace, take the necklace and
leave the heads, or just leave the lot.
Finally, Keeri Lo made a perception check and realized that the room was
not part of the house but was actually generated by the curtain, so if they
took the curtain down, they could just carry the lot. After some pleading from Gilroy and Valen,
they decided to relent and just take the lot with them as long as Julius and
Valen kept control of the necklace in case the Chimera heads were evil and
tried to negatively influence the less strong willed party members. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Now armed with some healing stuff, various potions, a few
new spells, a magical tea kettle, and an extradimensional room with talking
taxidermy, the party hit level 2 and decided to spend the night in the house,
thereby wrapping up the session.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
*****<i>Quick side note, I have updated the previous post's title to include the header 5E at the Citadel. I will include that designation in future posts from this game so that they can be easily differentiated from whatever else I post in the meantime.</i></div>
Dai Gardnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14394145258658247729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6364814179406136841.post-28548156975558514032017-04-27T18:02:00.004-07:002017-04-30T19:41:40.183-07:005E at the Citadel: The Story Begins With...These Guys...<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i><b><span style="font-size: large;">Adventurers Needed! </span></b><o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>I fear the wards have broken in the latest avalanche. A sudden warm snap has caused the Icefang
Mountains to dump their prodigious snow that their peaks have collected down to
the lowlands, and the wards that keep the mountain denizens at bay have been buried
or worse. I pray it’s just the wards
being covered. Otherwise, the two frost
giants who came down from the hills and took our town three nights past have
discovered a way to circumvent our ancient protective magic. That is far more disturbing a thought. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>For now, though, our plight is dire. Griffombul and Jontara, the giant and his
giantess, have frozen our bay, leaving our ships trapped in shackles of ice,
and a deep frost creeps over the town. They
started their reign of terror by ripping our guards to shreds along with any
the giants deemed strong enough to oppose them.
Now they sit on our keep as if it were a throne, demanding our goods for
their hoard and our children to slake their hunger. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>Those of us remaining in the Anchorheim Council have given
gold to some hale souls who had decided to winter in Anchorheim so that they
may slip from the city through our sewers with a letter to our allies across
the mountains in Salas and at the Library at Howell to implore them for aid. Even if they do make it through Saltmarch to
the south and through the forests on the mountains’ eastern faces, I fear any
help they reach will not find us in time.
I shiver not just from the bone aching cold the giants have brought, but
from the fear that hangs in the air as palpably as our breath does. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i><b>-Excerpt from the diary of Justice Claybones, Interim Mayor
of Anchorheim</b><o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>David Gardner will be running a 5<sup>th</sup> Edition
D&D game fo3r new and old players alike.
We will run bi-weekly. We will be
using all 5<sup>th</sup> Edition material printed by Wizards of the Coast, and
we will be starting at level 1.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br />
That was the add I had my local gaming store put on their Facebook page. Below is the party I ended up with (note that I ended up letting a player use a race from an Unearthed Arcana article):<br />
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<a href="https://cdn.pastemagazine.com/www/articles/volos%20guide%20review%20main.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://cdn.pastemagazine.com/www/articles/volos%20guide%20review%20main.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>This may or may not be the image that inspired the intro to this game...</i></div>
</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Keeri Lo, the Zendikar Merfolk Druid Criminal. <o:p></o:p></div>
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</div>
<ul>
<li>·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Has great abs</span></li>
<li>·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Druidic focus is a conch shell horn</span></li>
<li>·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Wildshapes into crabs ‘n stuff</span></li>
<li>·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Think slightly sleazy information broker with
seaweedy tide pool magic</span></li>
<li>·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Makes cutting comments using </span><i style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Vicious Mockery</i><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> #throwingshade</span></li>
</ul>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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Julius, the High Elf Bard Noble<o:p></o:p></div>
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</div>
<ul>
<li>·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Commanding and in charge</span></li>
<li>·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Has a lute</span></li>
<li>·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Also makes cutting comments using </span><i style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Vicious Mockery</i><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> #throwingshade</span></li>
<li>·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Trusts almost no-one</span></li>
<li>·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Battle bros with Keeri Lo</span></li>
</ul>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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Charmagnus, the Human Sorceror (Wild Mage) Wanderer<o:p></o:p></div>
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</div>
<ul>
<li>·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Super germophobe</span></li>
<li>·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Casts</span><i style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
Prestidigitation</i><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> constsantly to clean everything</span></li>
<li>·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Doesn’t use anything but cantrips unless he can
help it because he’s afraid of his wild magic</span></li>
</ul>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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Fechedette, the Forest Gnome Wizard (Illusionist) Sage<o:p></o:p></div>
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</div>
<ul>
<li>·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Gets very excited</span></li>
<li>·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Has “creative” uses for illusions</span></li>
<li>·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Rides on Gilroy or Keeri Lo if he is a crab</span></li>
<li>·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Has a chipmunk familiar</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> Her name was randomly generate off of the 5e DM Screen</span></li>
</ul>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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Gilroy, the Firbolg Barbarian Folk Hero<o:p></o:p></div>
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</div>
<ul>
<li>·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Has a really comfortable coat</span></li>
<li>·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">No, really guys, it’s super comfortable</span></li>
<li>·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Always down with trying new things</span></li>
<li>·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Big, congenial bro</span></li>
</ul>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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And coming late to the party (in session 2)…<o:p></o:p></div>
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Valen, the Aasimar (Protector) Fighter/Rogue (Swashbuckler)
Pirate<o:p></o:p></div>
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</div>
<ul>
<li>·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Cinnamon roll</span></li>
<li>·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Loves everyone</span></li>
<li>·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Likes booze</span></li>
<li>·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Total go getter</span></li>
<li>·<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Just is happy to have friends</span></li>
</ul>
<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">O</span></b>ur first session started with five characters (Valen's player couldn't make it to the first session) being
hidden in a basement by Justice Claybones.
The old Mayor offered them 1,000 GP each if they managed to get a letter
across (around, rather, but eh) to the city of Salas and to the Library at
Howell. It was a sweet deal for a bunch
of first level adventurers, so they took it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Mayor moved a table, revealed a secret tunnel, and
shipped the gang down it into a dark little access tunnel.
They were ticked that he pushed a table back over the tunnel, sealing
them down there, but quickly overcame their annoyance and forged on. Eventually, they emerged several miles
outside the town. Quickly, they
hightailed it to the nearby tree line to avoid any giant eyes.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After a brief bit of introduction and reveling in the
musical instruments they had, they realized they were probably too close to
town to make too much noise, and slunk off.
Near night, they discovered a farmhouse that looked like it had been
trodden on by a giant, and found a squashed mother and child (both deceased)
inside. They also found some bread and
potatoes. The potatoes, coupled with the
fact that Charmagnus had bought cheese at character creation, started a joke
about how the party needed to make pierogis.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="http://www.jaitan.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/perogies.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.jaitan.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/perogies.jpg" height="206" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>Mmmm, pierogis</i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They decided not to spend the night in a squashed farmhouse
since there was still a little daylight left, and forged on. As darkness fell, they saw a fire in the
trees up ahead, and Julius, Keeri Lo, and Gilroy decided to investigate. Charmagnus and Fechedette hid in the trees
but stayed close. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The fire was owned by half a dozen goblins and a pair of
goblin dogs. Two of the goblins were
robed, the dogs were tied up, and none of them expected a Firbog, a Merfolk,
and an Elf to wander into the middle of their camp. This led to a few blades (goblin blades are
basically sharp junk tied to sticks) being drawn but some talk happened where
the goblins demanded the party’s stuff and the party tried to barter potatoes.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As a shock to nobody, these relations broke down, and the
goblins in robes opened their mouths, their crab familiars scuttled out to
safety, and the dogs were loosed. A
goblin rolled a natural 1 against Keeri Lo, and my description of how the
goblin’s steak knife tied to the end of a stick broke when he shoved the knife
at Keeri Lo’s stomach spawned Keeri Lo lifting his shirt, declaring his abs
were steel, and then getting promptly dropped to zero by a goblin dog. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
One goblin ran away, but in a barrage of spells and steel
(the wizard and sorcerer did good work with Firebolt from the trees), the rest
of the goblins and the goblin dogs were dropped. The party settled in for the night in the
ruined campsite, and we finished the first session. It was short because a large portion of it
was spent in character creation, but laughs and fun were had. <o:p></o:p></div>
Dai Gardnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14394145258658247729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6364814179406136841.post-32758158569207782872017-04-27T17:49:00.003-07:002017-04-27T17:49:40.197-07:00Been a While...I'm...back? <br />
<br />
I've said it before and faded off, and I can't promise it won't happen again. I'm a busy man. However, I have some stuff I want to send out to the hive mind and some stories to share, so I'm gonna do it. Kay? Kay.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-MEKeIyzaUhU/WQKRhGLYAsI/AAAAAAAAAlk/myzJxBQMGhkGpWRgeRGPqM2PvM9SEYw6QCLcB/s1600/Back_Liches.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-MEKeIyzaUhU/WQKRhGLYAsI/AAAAAAAAAlk/myzJxBQMGhkGpWRgeRGPqM2PvM9SEYw6QCLcB/s1600/Back_Liches.png" /></a></div>
<br />Dai Gardnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14394145258658247729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6364814179406136841.post-49707297677315106222016-02-13T16:06:00.001-08:002016-02-13T16:06:56.159-08:00TWBWDH: To Hell...(Maybe not back) Part 1<b><span style="font-size: large;">A</span></b>s most of The World's Best Worst Demon Hunters episodes start, we find our heroes chilling in the now chilly bunker under Centralia, Pennsylvania. Lenny was playing video games in the Winnebago, Mark was making pancakes in the bunker kitchen, and Anne was resisting pent up urges over her growing lust for Kade in her room. This was made <i>harder</i> when Kade <i>came</i> in and announced that he had an <i>exciting</i> job for them that was making him <i>swell</i> in anticipation. Yes, the conversation actually went like that, except with more sex puns that either Kade didn't realize he was saying or played off very well. Anne was flustered, we conference called Lenny in, because he didn't want to leave the Winnebago during daylight (because vampire), and Kade told us we were going to the Nether Realm. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/villains/images/2/29/Fiends_of_Nightosphere.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20120928223340" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/villains/images/2/29/Fiends_of_Nightosphere.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20120928223340" height="171" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>Of course, my brain immediately replaced Nether Realm with Nightosphere, coloring my entire perception of the whole ordeal we were about to face.</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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Lenny was told to stop playing video games while we discussed what was going on, so clearly he didn't. Mark was concerned, said it wasn't his bag, but was quickly swayed by the fact that we were getting payed a whole lot, and Anne looked forward to it. The mission was to go to Miserachordia, the realm of Mephistopholes (because of course it was). Now, the Nether Realm in <a href="http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=colt+regan">Colt Regan</a> is not actually Hell. It's simply a series of connected planes where "demons" (technically extradimensional beings of various stripes) come from. Miserachordia is mostly a ruined city-scape with pools of toxic waste and pollution everywhere.</div>
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<br /></div>
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"Like Detroit," Mark remarked.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
"Like Detroit and Cincinnati had a child and it got all of the recessive genes," Kade replied.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
We had to be there for possibly two weeks. Mark and Anne bought cartons of cigarettes. Lenny realized he didn't have two weeks worth of clothes in his wardrobe. Mark only packed five days worth of clothes but two weeks worth of underwear. We realized that the video game situation in Miserachordia was pretty dire, and Lenny packed his Nintendo DS and a lot of battery packs. Dr. Richard Thaddeus Block and Apocalypse Creed were mostly packed until Kade made a joke about packing extra socks to make sure we didn't get gangrene and Dr. Block decided he didn't want to chance a theory that Incubi couldn't get gangrene and ran back to his room to get more.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/81qQkUQGpTL._UX385_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/81qQkUQGpTL._UX385_.jpg" height="302" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>Necessary for any trip to the <strike>Nightosphere</strike> Nether Realm</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Mr. Crow, our portal demon from the <a href="http://gaymmasterproblems.blogspot.com/2016/01/twbwdh-florida-incident-leeches-in-west.html">West Virginia Incident</a> was due to come and open a portal for us, and he arrived at 7am. Kade had woken us all up. Mark was not happy about this and rolled back over in bed. Lenny joked that he could carry Mark, so of course this episode's broment was Lenny carrying Mark to the meeting point in the bunker lobby. Mark grumped around and drank coffee and was angsty, we waffled a few moments after the portal opened, and Mark decided that if he had to be miserable, he might as well be miserable in Miserachordia and was the first one through.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
We were off to meet with some demons who had escaped experimentation by one of Mephistopholes's demon lieutenants and were trying to form a peaceful society. Some of their scouts had disappeared, and we were to find the scouts. Their encampment was a short hike from our portal, and we met a ragtag group of demons who sported mechanical augmentations or replacements for various and sundry body parts. They informed us that every one of the demons they rescued were precious to their cause, to which Mark telepathically remarked to Lenny was most likely because all together they made up one whole demon.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Their leader, Jum, allowed Dr. Block to set up a station in their camp so that he could remotely monitor us over Bluetooth headsets. We joked that he could hear us pee. He professed not to have a pee pee fetish. The jokes that he has a pee pee fetish are now clearly a thing we make on the reg. We discovered that we had cell service, but figured the roaming would be Hell to pay. Evidently, there is such a thing as a Fiends and Family plan offered by many cell carriers. Roaming jokes were made, because all of us playing the game are call center veterans. </div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="http://www.chili.mu/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/Roaming.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.chili.mu/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/Roaming.jpg" height="108" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>It's the little bits of intrusive reality that lend Colt it's special brand of charm.</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
And then we set off into a blasted hellscape not dissimilar to Detroit after an apocalypse. Mark lit a cigarette off of a gout of fire blasting through the concrete, Kade scouted ahead, we discovered that Lenny knows what a point man is because of video games, Mark and Anne brought up the middle, and Apocalypse Creed brought up the back and made sure that we were covered. Our episode ends just outside of a ruined factory/hospital/meat processing plant as we readied ourselves to check out the dark and scary insides. Because, y'know, cliffhanger and stuff. </div>
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Dai Gardnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14394145258658247729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6364814179406136841.post-54357548334097214542016-02-06T21:16:00.001-08:002016-02-06T21:16:12.488-08:00TWBWDH: Foreshadowing? Also Vampires and...the Mafia?<span style="font-size: large;"><b>W</b></span>hen we last left our heroes from The World's Best Worst Demon Hunters, they had narrowly escaped being turned into leech people in West Virginia. After their harrowing adventure, they returned to the Centralia, PA base for some relaxation and recharging. Anne had developed a giant crush on Kade Solas, our were-lizard host, so the episode started with her being awkward and blushing and him either not getting it or playing it off really well. All that we really know is that now the base is uncomfortably cold, because the air conditioning has been turned up. Everyone is chilly, except Anne, who is now super comfortable in the base (because, y'know, cryokinetic stuff). Mark also bought Lenny a light-reflective sleeping bag so that they can wrap him up like a vampire burrito (vampurrito) and tote him around in the daylight if necessary. There was an awkward broment when Lenny unwrapped his present.<br />
<br />
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<a href="http://springsbargains.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/chipotle-burrito.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://springsbargains.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/chipotle-burrito.png" height="127" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>But full of slightly uncomfortable vampire. And maybe a spider. Because Mark's an asshole.</i></div>
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Anne also got a steam cleaner and cleaned the entire Winnebago on the pretense that she wanted every trace of leech out of our house, but also probably because with two bachelor's living in it, she was afraid that if she turned on a black-light it would look like a Jackson Pollack painting (because we make <i>Guardians of the Galaxy </i>references). Kade then found Mark the next day to give them a choice of different missions to go on. Our choices were either going with Apocalypse Creed (the super macho Incubi) on a mission to kill a bunch of demons infesting an oil rig, go with Dr. Richard Thaddeus Block (our nerdy Incubi scientist friend) to investigate something that the Doctor was interested in, or take a highly lucrative mission to literally stand around at a vampire court to pad out numbers to make the Regeant of Chicago look more competent (with a 98% chance that none of us will get hurt to boot).</div>
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Now, Mark is greedy, self serving, and likes making Lenny uncomfortable. Also fighting demons <i>Doom</i> style is totes not his bag, and following the Doctor around would be tedious. He decided that the team would go stand around vampires for fun and profit. Additionally, he didn't clear this with Lenny and Anne and just informed them that they were off to see vampires. Lenny was sad and uncomfortable, Anne talked to Kade about it and found out Mark had been given options and was sad they couldn't go kill demons. Secretly, both knew that this was the best mission (because it involved the most money), so they drove off to Chicago. </div>
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Since road trips aren't complete without fast food, they decided to stop along the way. Since they were in a Winnebago and going into fast food joints is for plebs, they had to find a drive thru that could accommodate the Winnie. The first place they found was a White Castle in Ohio, pulled in, ordered, and then waited in the drive thru. And waited. And waited. Lenny knocked on the drive thru window, and after nobody could be seen inside after ten minutes, we finally got impatient, Mark could only sense one life form inside, which he remarked wasn't unusual given the nature of most fast food workers. They pulled around and went inside, because things seemed fishy.</div>
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<i>Please note: the following tale of terror is hardly the most horrible thing to have ever happened in a White Castle. In fact, it isn't even the worst thing to happen in a White Castle's bathroom. They're called "sliders" for a reason, folks.</i></div>
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Inside the White Castle, everybody was dead. We could tell, because their organs and blood and body parts were literally all over everything. Mark was disappointed that he wasn't getting dinner, Lenny went back to the Winnie for a shotgun, Anne pulled out her gun and started slowly walking behind the counter. As Mark decided to get himself a Sprite from the soda machine, he heard a sobbing from the bathrooms, let Anne know, filled up his drink, and followed her towards the bathrooms with Lenny's backup. </div>
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There was someone in the stall in the womens' room, but she wouldn't open the door. Mark used his telepathic command abilities to make her open the door, because he was #over #it, and we found a terrorized female cashier who was probably around 19-20. Mark called 911 while sipping his Sprite and having a cigarette on the front sidewalk, Anne comforted the girl, and Lenny told the rest of the disgruntled people in the drive-thru that they weren't getting their orders today. The officers showed up, and Mark decided that the girl's non-verbal state was annoying and just decided to read her surface thoughts to tell the cops what happened. </div>
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Fleshies, in the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=colt+regan">Colt Regan</a> universe, are tall, emaciated, genderless naked human bodies with no eyes or noses, mouths full of razor teeth, and hands and feet with knife sized claws. They generally work like feral fast zombies, aren't sentient, and aren't super graceful. Everyone in the White Castle had been killed by a fleshie that was a graceful, intelligent killing machine. It creeped Mark the fuck out, he asked the officers where the nearest Pizza place was, Lenny called Kade and let him know about the incident, we left statements, then drove down the road for really good New York style pizza.</div>
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<i>Fleshies are kinda like this fucking thing from Pan's Labyrinth, just with more rage murder and less hand-eyes.</i></div>
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After that, we got to Chicago with no incident. We met our contact at an arcade pub and were quickly ushered into the back where we met a vampire who was an actual Mafia stereotype. He was even watching <i>The Godfather</i>. He was nice, slightly threateneing, explained that the Regent of Chicago was meeting with some random even higher up vampire (I play Mark, and Mark isn't so big on details like this, so I forget them too), and the Regent wanted to appear more impressive so she basically wanted us to stand around, look fancy, and pad out her retinue.</div>
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The vampire we met with (he was called The Head of Fraternity) also asked Lenny about who made Lenny, and Lenny was an awkward baby vampire, because he's not really good at the whole vampire bit, because he was dumped before his ex girlfriend bothered telling him about it and he's been too busy playing video games since then to find out. We were told to visit a tailor on the house, given hotel rooms (and told not to go nuts with room service), and Lenny spent most of the night playing arcade games at the video arcade. Mark ate a packet of nuts and left a note that he'd gone nuts with room service.</div>
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The next day, we visited a very nice tailor. Lenny got a suit, Mark got nice clothes, and Annabelle got a red, sparkly flapper stripper dress. We waited until dark, and decided we didn't want to roll up to a fancy event in a Winnebago. Lenny suggested we call an Uber. Mark said it'd be driven by a hipster vegan who'd pass out from low iron or something and kill them all. We took a yellow cab instead.</div>
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<i>In Mark's mind, this is secretly a gluten free death trap.</i></div>
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The vampires present (and our protagonists) were dressed in oddly 1920s reminiscent clothes, because the vampires in Chicago are pretty much the actual Mafia (because probably most of them started it or something). One of them had a scary sith mask, and since Mark does things like this, Lenny explained via a telepathic three way call Mark set up that the scary dude was called an Ebon Gladius. Mark said it was a good porn name. We continued on to meet the other group of important vampires and stood around silently while they exchanged pleasantries.</div>
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Most of said pleasantries went way over our heads, because we're not vampires. Something about an alternate dimension beyond the Wyrd, and "we need to investigate" and "we need to send someone expendable." They decided to talk to "Bathory" who was evidently the head of their group or clan or whatever. Vampire politics in Colt Regan are hush hush to the uninitiated. Of specific interest to Anne was the moment when she was offered as a snack to the visiting vampires. We figured that was the 98% chance none of us would be harmed moment. We were right, and luckily the visiting vamps decided they weren't hungry. Incidentally, Mark figured out that she had a crush on Kade by snooping in her surface thoughts during this time. That ammunition is sure to resurface later.</div>
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<a href="http://img12.deviantart.net/97b7/i/2014/105/e/c/elizabeth_bathory_by_dobbisallozare-d7ejpa8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://img12.deviantart.net/97b7/i/2014/105/e/c/elizabeth_bathory_by_dobbisallozare-d7ejpa8.jpg" height="214" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>The "Bathory"mentioned is most likely Elizabeth Bathory. Google her. She's cool.</i></div>
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Afterwards, we met the Regent, and she exchanged pleasantries with us in a harsh, nasal, New York accent. Evidently one of Lenny's sketchy cousins is in the NY branch of "the family." She then showed us her hat trick where she disappeared into her reflection in the car mirror when she said farewell. We saddled up the Winnebago, and then we headed back to Centralia.</div>
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Back in Centralia, we found Dr. Richard Thaddeus Block who waved a photo of the creeptastic fleshie that Mark had seen in the fast food girl's memory. Evidently, the non-existent (possibly erased from existence) former science lab he'd worked for had been imprisoning it. It was a noted serial killer, and it usually let one victim live, but that one victim always committed suicide later, potentially under some sort of mental control. Mark feared for his life, Anne flirted with Kade more, and we ended the night with Dr. Block offering Mark some pills to deal with his fear. Mark declined, let the Doctor know about his addiction, but the fact that there are drugs in the building may raise it's ugly head again. </div>
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<br />Dai Gardnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14394145258658247729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6364814179406136841.post-74973855413470674132016-01-23T21:20:00.002-08:002016-01-23T21:20:22.537-08:00TWBWDH: The Florida Incident & Leeches in West Virginia<b style="font-size: x-large;">T</b>wo blog posts in a day!? Ludicrous! But I have a session backlog from the <a href="http://gaymmasterproblems.blogspot.com/2016/01/the-worlds-best-worst-demon-hunters.html">Colt Regan game</a> that Eric is running for Brandie, Robert, and I, an I've decided I want to chronicle it, because it's really fun and pulpy, and I need to write more. I might eventually, given the mental fortitude, chronicle some of the other games we've been playing too, but no promises. <br />
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When we last left,..those guys, Mark the Telepath, Lenny the Vampire, and Anne the Cryokinetic wer in a bunker underground accepting a job offer to investigate really weird supernatural stuff from a blonde dude who Mark found out was a were-lizard, two incubi, and a dead gun. Think more X-files, less Supernatural. We'd said yes, and started the episode with Mark and Lenny getting to know Anne a bit more by them snarking about her with telepathy, forgetting about telepathy and mouthing things to each other in her plain view, then remembering and switching back to telepathy. The incubus doctor then proceeded to hit on all of us, but especially the boys, Anne to mention that they were a couple, then the boys to break that notion by saying they were just bros. The incubus doctor left it completely clear that he'd sleep with either of them, and we let it slide.<br />
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<a href="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRKUe6TVvofQQ4BazIthekYYMj1BeWTQKqECDHdgJgPBv4pFyAW" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRKUe6TVvofQQ4BazIthekYYMj1BeWTQKqECDHdgJgPBv4pFyAW" /></a></div>
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<i>This is the combined home, fratpad, and means of transportation for two of our intrepid heroes.</i></div>
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The boys retired to the Winnebago for the night, and Brandie (playing Anne) missed perfect moments for Frozen references when Apocalypse Creed asked her if she wanted a blanket. She said she doesn't get cold. A real cryokinetic would have said that "the cold doesn't bother me anyways." I reminded her of this. The next morning, Anne got thirsty watching our host in a pair of form revealing sweatpants, microwaved her coffee after it got cold, and got a job for us delivering a package to a recluse in West Virginia. Whether the person just didn't like people or was a were-spider was left unclear in the instructions. This is an important distinction in Colt Reagan. </div>
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Also of note, there was a first reference to what Lenny and Mark refer to only as "the Florida Incident." We have no clue what happened in Florida, but it's fun to refer to then tell Anne "it's too long a story right now," every time something really random happens. At this stage, the mention was about giant tarantulas. </div>
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<a href="http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/02360/tarantula_2360280b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/02360/tarantula_2360280b.jpg" height="199" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>Less traumatizing than the Florida Incident, evidently...</i></div>
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Mark put on pants, Lenny hopped into the driver's seat of the Winnebago, and we set off to West Virginia. Lenny played Top 40 radio to make Anne think he was normal and cover up the goth dweeb-ness that is integral to his soul and died a little more inside. Then we got hideously lost in the back woods of West Virginia. Then we started running low on gas. Y'know, classic horror stuff. Eric was coming through in spades. </div>
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As we reached a point where we couldn't even turn back and make it to the last gas station any more, we found a "town." By "town," Eric meant a few buildings around the road that began and ended within a few blocks of each other. Luckily, there was a building that had a gas pump out front, and we pulled in. Since it was daylight, Mark hopped out to discover that even though it was only 6PM, the gas station was closed. There was a light on in the attached house, and Mark started knocking annoyedly on the door. Anne hopped out and mentioned that worst case scenario we could just sleep in the Winnebago and wait for them to open. An old woman in a bathrobe yelled from across the street that the whole town closes at 5PM and that the station owner sleeps in "one of them sensory deprivation tanks 'cause he got a nasty temper on him and it calms him down." Y'know, because that's not creepy as fuck. Also, Mark noticed that there were leeches all over the walls of the building and accepted that he was going to die here.</div>
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The old lady also said that there was a diner down the road that was open "real late until abouts nine o'clock." Anne and Mark left Lenny to his videogames and walked down the road to the diner. Anne mentioned that she was worried about leaving the Winnebago to which Mark replied, "why? There's a fucking vampire in it." Lenny complained about lack of cellular signal to himself. </div>
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<i>More or less what we were in front of.</i></div>
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The bar had three patrons and a creepy proprietor who hit on Anne. Mark ordered a "cheez brgr with fixns" off the menu and Anne ordered some "frys" and a shot of whiskey. We sat in a booth, and Mark decided to try to use his telepathy and psychokinesis on the place to figure out why it all felt so wrong. Again, I thanked my fore-planning that I had a high focus check. The room was full of non-sentient or maybe sentient psychometric static and might have had seven walls where there should have been four, and he turned his spidey senses off before he overloaded. We decided to get the food to go and high tailed it back to the Winnebago. </div>
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Meanwhile, Lenny had found a leech on his foot. When throwing it outside, he felt something watching him, and decided to ignore it and do laundry and listen to VNV Nation to drown out his sudden fear of being alone. We came back to the Winnebago to Lenny panicking slightly, and decided to just drive as far as we could, hope we could get cell service, call AAA, hope they sent enough cars to satiate the evil town and let one get through to us in a couple weeks. </div>
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However, because the Colt Regan RPG is built to encourage fun, Robert had taken the "lemon" flaw when he had purchased the Winnebago, and it decided to not start. Panick started setting in, and even though it was dusk, Lenny decided to go outside and pop the hood to fix the engine so that we didn't have to die by spending a night in the creeptastic town. Anne shut herself in the Winnebago, Lenny discovered that the engine was covered in leeches, and Mark held a rainbow beach umbrella (the cool black one met its end in The Florida Incident) so that Lenny didn't get sunburn and chainsmoked. </div>
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<a href="http://i2.mirror.co.uk/incoming/article5491884.ece/ALTERNATES/s615/Generic-Leech.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://i2.mirror.co.uk/incoming/article5491884.ece/ALTERNATES/s615/Generic-Leech.jpg" height="212" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>I did make the comment that leeches suck a few times during this session...</i></div>
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About the time Lenny had figured out the engine, he felt that he was being watched again, bundled us all into the Winnebago again, and we took off. Mark heated up a plastic travel mug of AB+ for Lenny to calm him down (the mug had a picture of a puppy and a kitten and said "best buds"). As the gas gauge started reading completely empty, we saw the lights of a town up ahead, and coasted up to an all too familiar gas station. After a brief argument over whether we had turned enough to go in a big circle (we hadn't), we coasted about a mile out of town and hunkered down to wait for daylight. </div>
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Out solitude didn't last long. Something slammed into the side of the Winnebago and started trying to flip it, knocking Mark over, and causing Lenny to go full on game face and shooting out of the bus in a blink, fangs and teeth out and full of vampiric rage. This impressive fury was undermined, however, as his voice cracked when he screamed "Stop hurting my Winnebago!" Outside was a creepy, super strong redneck doing his damndest to flip our vehicle. The man took a swing at Lenny, and Lenny, tired of this shit, eviscerated him with one claw swipe.</div>
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Now, Vampires in Colt Regan, especially with many of the traits that Lenny has, are murder machines. However, all the claws and vampiric strength that Lenny could muster don't do much against a meat sack full of leeches. Luckily, Anne used her cryokinesis to freeze it in a block of ice, buying us a few minutes. </div>
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<a href="http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/the-coven/images/6/63/Cryokinesis3.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20120218232656" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/the-coven/images/6/63/Cryokinesis3.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20120218232656" height="248" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>Cryokinetics: keeping a cool head since forever.</i></div>
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We tried texting our employer, but signal was not awesome, and he was really far away, and at the rate we were going, we weren't going to survive the night. In our rearview, we saw the lights of a truck approaching, and settled in for another fight. Two more rednecks (one being the bartender from earlier) got out, one had an axe, and they started pounding on the door of the Winnebago. This is when Mark yet again proved that he is the kind of white person who dies in horror movies and decided to use his telepathy on the man. </div>
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After being mentally blasted with non-euclydian geometry and managing to pull away with a splitting headache and his sanity still intact, one of the men smashed through the window. Lenny full on vamp raged and ripped the man's throat out with his teeth. He ate a mouthful of leeches and got blood back, which was gross, and then Anne went full on Bobby Drake and shredded both of our assailants with razor sharp icy wind. Cryokinetics are useful and stuff. </div>
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Lenny, still pissed that his Winnebago was damaged, decided that he was going to take the fight to the town. There was a touching broment where he handed the keys to the truck the leech people had driven up in to Mark and told him to get as far away as possible and Mark flailed to try to find a way to take his best bro with him. "The second the sun comes up, I'll be ash," Lenny said. "UV rays go right through a blanket." Mark decided to go with his friend. Anne was already in for the ride. Like movie badasses, they loaded up the pickup with gas cans and drove into town just in time to see a yellow robed figure standing in the middle of the street in front of the gas station.</div>
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<a href="http://40.media.tumblr.com/1908d415bd12c933900908117339f2dd/tumblr_mn2mduMF6K1s4vqszo3_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://40.media.tumblr.com/1908d415bd12c933900908117339f2dd/tumblr_mn2mduMF6K1s4vqszo3_1280.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>Minus tentacles. Plus leeches.</i></div>
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We tried to run it over, but it disappeared then reappeared behind us. Mark grabbed lighter fluid and a grill lighter, we pulled up to the pump, and all hopped out. Mark was on gas duty, Anne froze the parking lot and broke into the gas station to find the "on" switch for the pump, and Lenny, still vamped out, stood between us and the yellow robed...thing shuffling at us. Anne found that the inside of the gas station was full of leeches and turned the place into a snow globe. Mark started pumping when she found the on switch, and Lenny realized that the thing in yellow was literally a pile of leeches underneath a yellow robe. We all accepted death.</div>
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As Mark filled the first gas can, the thing held a giant leech out to Lenny. Luckily, Robert rolled well and shook off the compulsion to accept the gift. He started spraying lighter fluid on the thing then lit it on fire, uttering the suitable awful one liner, "I may not be Mark, but that's a sick burn." We all groaned. Brandie felt bad for the leeches, marking the first time ever that someone has felt bad for lighting an avatar of Hastur on fire. </div>
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Driving back to the Winnebago, we saw a person standing next to our ride. It was a Native American looking portal demon named Mr. Crow who our boss had called in a favor to get us out of dodge. He opened up a portal to his garage in Wyoming. We spent the night, his wife fed us, and Mr. Crow fixed the Winnebago up. The next day, we wished Mr. Crow farewell and drove back to West Virginia using normal roads to finish our task.</div>
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We dropped off the package for a reclusive were-mosquito on the run from Los Chupacabras, a Mexican gang of were-mosquitos, and returned back to home base for our next mission ending that night's session. </div>
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<br />Dai Gardnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14394145258658247729noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6364814179406136841.post-30400950217425527192016-01-23T19:32:00.003-08:002016-01-23T20:06:03.179-08:00The World's Best Worst Demon Hunters<b style="font-size: x-large;">H</b>i everyone. It's been a hot minute since I updated. Truth is, I've been busy, unmotivated, and lazy, but I have been playing some cool games with a bunch of fantastic people, and decided to at least somewhat revive the old blog so that I could share neat shit on the internet again. I've been lucky enough to have a steady group with three other fantastic people who share much of the same opinions on what makes roleplaying awesome as i do. They also have a homebrew system created by the excellent Eric J. Chucci and The Boy (Robert to the uninitiated). It is called Colt Regan which is based on the books that Eric J. Chucci wrote. Those books are incidentally the Colt Reagan series, which can be found <a href="http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=colt+regan">on Amazon</a>. If you like pulpy modern horror/fantasy, then they're a good read. They're the book version of if Die Hard crossed over to True Blood with some of Buffy: the Vampire Slayer's pithy fun added in and a mythology that rivals White Wolf's Old World of Darkness.<br />
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/shamelessfriendplug. <br />
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<i>Hypnoblogger says buy now and give a cool dude enough money to buy some Taco Bell or something.</i></div>
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Now, when I started playing with Eric, Robert, and Eric's lovely wife and my good friend, Brandie, Eric and Robert were testing the system limits to eventually release it as a book. We played a bunch of not Colt Reganverse stuff, like in space and a parallel Colt Reganverse and D&D 5th edition. Additionally, Eric had DM (Demon Master, suck it Wizards)-ed himself out of Colt for a while, but recently, he decided to run a game in the Colt-verse for us. I was excited. Mostly because Eric is a great DM, and I love modern supernatural horror/fantasy. He also promised cryptids and horror stuff which are my faves. <br />
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The Colt-verse is basically the modern world, but there's supernatural stuff that is widely known. Vampires have public representation, Therianthropes are widely known about and walk among us, many humans have developed kinesises (so they can like throw things with their mind and raise the dead), and demons travel back and forth from the various outside places they live and chill on Earth for a while. It's not beyond uncommon for the bartender to have horns and a tail and the server to have fangs. People can get "hunting licenses" to be bounty hunters and kill rouge supernatural things, but a lot of the hunters are supernaturals as well. It's a blast. I'm not 100% sure on everything, because I'm a bad friend and haven't read all of the books yet because of craziness at work, but I've gotten a lot of the down low from Eric and Robert.<br />
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<i>Incidentally, their homebrew system is D12 based and is actually really good and easy to use.</i></div>
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I made a character named Mark. Mark is a nice upper middle class guy from upstate New York who happens to be a Telepath. He can read surface thoughts, talk in people's brains, and also has a bunch of psychometric powers so that when he touches stuff he can tell the item/person's history. He also can share sensations, so he can make people feel like they've been shot and stuff. It's cool, he wears gloves so that he doesn't get TMI. Mark went to medical school and turned to stealing pain meds to deaden the psychometric sensations he got from patients. Then he was found out, barred from practicing medicine, went to rehab, was disowned by his waspish family, and currently lives in a Winnebago with his friend, Lenny.<br />
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Lenny is a vampire played by Robert. He and Mark were roommates in college back when Lenny was a human and an unbearable little whiny goth kid. Despite this, Lenny and Mark became (un)lifelong bros. When Mark was doing his internships, Lenny met a vampire chick named Selina (or something like that), convinced her to turn him, then she dumped him causing (un)lifelong emotional damage. Mostly now he lives in his Winnebago, drinks blood bags, and plays videogames, and pretends he doesn't secretly still wish Tripp pants were cool again. He's also a sincerely good friend and has taken a broken and flailing Mark under his wing, despite the fact that Mark's a bit of a cocky, snarky asshole. <br />
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The two of them decided that to get Lenny off the couch and give Mark something to do, they'd become paranormal investigators and do demon hunting shit. The story begins with their Winnebago pulling up to what the DM (Eric) described as "do you remember the cabin from Evil Dead?" after answering a Craig's List add that said that "My cabin is evil. I'll pay you $1000 to make it not evil."<br />
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<i>Also, it was night, so it looked more evil.</i></div>
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There was a car that had pulled in a little ahead of them, and a tall, blonde, severe looking woman in a suitjacket had gotten out. Brandie introduced her character as Annabelle (Anne), a cryokinetic who had started her own supernatural investigation business after her husband left her destitute and living on her parents' couch in the divorce. Mark finished his cigarette, they decided to split the $1000, because secretly none of them really wanted to go into the house, Anne produced a bundle of sage from her trunk, and Mark, cocksure of his abilities, took off his glove and touched the house to find out how evil it really was.</div>
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Fortunately, my Focus check (Colt's version of both Concentration and Will save) is extremely high, because the house was, in fact, evil. And possibly dead. Mark decided to keep the gloves on after this. There had also been a man with wings on his head, a blonde man, and a deer with a human face in the house recently, although they seemed to have left. Mark conveyed this information, Anne calmly walked through the door. Mark and Lenny followed, although Lenny was vocal about not liking any of this like the dweeb he is. Having the lowest willpower, the...house...immediately started screwing with Lenny. Dark ichor dripped down the walls, although only he could see it, and he decided to go back outside and find the generator to turn on the lights in the house. As he left, the house whispered to him that he was going to die there.</div>
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While Lenny was finding the generator and figuring out how to get it running, Mark and Anne were poking around in every nook and cranny like the white people that always die in horror movies that they are. Mark decided that there has to be a basement, because there's always a basement and that's where the evil always is, so he started stomping around trying to find a trap door. Pragmatically, Anne raided the closets, found a cute, old Dr. Pepper t-shirt, and stuffed it into her purse. By the time Lenny had figured out how to get the generator working and come back inside by tumbling ungracefully through the window, because he'd decided that the door was evil, we'd become certain there was no basement. Mark announced that the evil must be in the attic, because that was the most logical place left.</div>
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<i>To Lenny, and only Lenny, the walls were still bleeding.</i></div>
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They found the hatch to the attic, and Lenny, using his vampire muscles, boosted Mark up to pry it open. Mark said a brotastic, "thanks, babe." Their banter and comfortability manhandling each other prompted Anne to ask how long they've been a couple. Lenny responded that, "they've been together since college," and they left things at that since Mark had gotten the attic door open. This caused confusion for Anne in the second session, since nobody disillusioned her of her assumption that she was working with a cute, gay, demon hunting couple. </div>
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There was nothing but a creepy mannequin in the attic. Getting bored of the house, they decided to just purify it by sprinkling around McDonalds salt packets, burning sage, and Lenny performing his goth purifying ritual which basically involved praying under his breath to the power of Bahaus, Siouxie Sioux, and Maynard James Keenan and hoping nobody heard him (in Colt, a big part of exorcisms is just believing something will work hard enough). Mark felt the spirit roll it's incorporeal eyes and leave the house out of sheer annoyance that these fucking n00bs had managed to stave off it's evil, and he declared it clean. </div>
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<i>Robert Smith, driving out evil spirits for angsty goth kids since we clapped to believe in him.</i></div>
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Anne called the number from the Craigslist add, which was answered by a man saying to meet his associate outside. We walked outside to find a deer with a human face and backwards knees that started mentally screaming wordless noise at us then introduced herself telepathically as Wishes the Stalker. Understandably, Anne had her gun drawn, and Lenny had fangs bared. She then explained that this was a test to find new investigators to be hired for a bigger supernatural investigations group, and she would love it if we went to their home base and accepted the job. Also, we had to go to the home base to get paid. She mentally implanted the address in our brains before skipping off into the woods.</div>
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Incidentally, the address was in <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Centralia,_Pennsylvania">Centralia, Pennsylvania</a> (yes, that Centralia), and we were in Michigan. One road trip later, and Anne beat the boys to the town by about an hour, because her car is better than Lenny's shitty Winnebago. She was stopped by the road guard, told that she had to leave her car and walk in and she had to be out by sundown. She skated off on a path of ice she made with her cryokinetic powers. An hour later, the boys pulled up, and got to drive in, because Mark told the guard he was dying of cancer and seeing Centralia was on his bucket list. </div>
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<i>Welcome to Centralia, population:our adventurers, like 10 people, and maybe Pyramid Head.</i></div>
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Since it was daylight, Lenny stayed in the Winnebago, and Mark set off into the address, which was an abandoned hotel. He met Anne in the lobby, where she had waited for them, and a voice came over the intercom for them to get into the elevator and go to the bottom floor. Because they're the kind of white people that die in horror movies, they hopped into the elevator and pushed the button for the sub-basement. Luckily, this is a roleplaying game and not a horror movie, because they entered into a nice bunker and met the blonde man that Mark had seen with his psychokinesis at the cabin. He explained that he was forming a supernatural investigation's firm that looked into and cataloged and looked into the weirder aspects of the supernatural world. He'd pay them pretty well.</div>
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They also met an eccentric and brilliant incubus doctor (incubi and succubi have small head wings, so Mark had seen him at the cabin too) who worked with the group. A second, very manly incubus with chest hair named Apocalypse Creed opened a secret entrance hatch for Lenny so that he could get inside without burning up while Mark snagged a maple creamstick from the office box of doughnuts, and the three decided to join up. Mark discovered that their new boss had a gun that was actually dead...somehow (thanks telepathy), and we wrapped up the session.</div>
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<br />Dai Gardnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14394145258658247729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6364814179406136841.post-54465926565649005572014-10-12T17:20:00.005-07:002014-10-12T23:48:50.882-07:00The Sample Character Looks Just Like MeMy ten year old brother is excitedly flipping through the 5th Edition Player's Handbook. He is excited A) because it's D&D and B) he found a sample character that "looks like him," and wants to see if there are more. My ten year old brother is adopted, and he is African American (or whatever the PC term is this week), and he is telling me how he likes this book more than other editions, because it has black people in it so he can play a "normal" person when I let them play this time so he doesn't have to play a half-orc. Oh, and can we play D&D tonight? He really wants to play, and it warms my heart. His enthusiasm is simultaneously wonderful and tinged with a bittersweet emotion for me. He is excited because this edition has <i>people</i> who look like him. <br />
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There are <i>people</i> who look like him.<br />
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<i>This is the character he now wants to play.</i></div>
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Now I'm going to say some stuff that sounds scattered, but will (hopefully) eventually make sense.<br />
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Earlier today, I read a John Wick article on <a href="http://johnwickpresents.com/games/game-designs/chess-is-not-an-rpg-the-illusion-of-game-balance/">what makes an RPG</a>, and my brain was titillated, and it made me rethink what rules I would slavishly follow and think about focusing on telling stories, and it was good. Then I found a link to an RPG Pundit article <a href="http://therpgpundit.blogspot.com/2014/10/john-wick-has-never-played-d.html">basically saying that John Wick's article is wrong</a> and bought into the sense of small and pointless outrage that John Wick could dare call D&D not an RPG. Then I posted John Wick's article to my Facebook so that a few of my friends who like RPGs and discussing RPGs could see it and hopefully get out of it what I got out of it, then two of my friends mentioned that the pontificating done in the article was similar to the pointless pontificating done in academia. Then they told me to write a blog about it, so I am. <br />
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Several months ago, Zak S. of <a href="http://dndwithpornstars.blogspot.com/?zx=9b9ce57d0f235a16">Playing D&D With Porn Stars</a> and being-a-name-inside-the-5th-edition-book fame and I (and a few people who have opinions I respect) had <a href="http://gaymmasterproblems.blogspot.com/2014/04/exclusionary-culture-leviathan-and-why.html">a disagreement in the comments on a blog post I made.</a> Now, I will fully admit that my blog was not as well thought out, worded, and constructed as I want it to be. Also, not everything Zak S said was wrong. And not everything I said was wrong. However, both of us (and the other people commenting) got stuck on being "right" and ignored the point. The point I was trying to make was that we shouldn't make people feel like they don't belong and scare them away from something that could be awesome for them. <br />
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<i>As an interim: several of my younger siblings are now crowded around the Player's Handbook. They are looking at the picture of the druid, who is the only character in the book who is wearing, essentially, a fur bikini. My thirteen year old sister asked if she can have a tiger like the druid lady, but she didn't want to have to wear the fur bikini. She wants armor like the Paladin, because a fur bikini isn't good to fight in. My thirteen year old sister is wearing a shirt that is too tight and jeans that are too tight, and I ask her if the druid might just be wearing the fur bikini for fashion. She says yes, but that she still wants the armor, and she can wear a bikini under that in case she needs it to be on a runway. That prompts a discussion of if they can design their own clothes for their characters. I say yes, and I'm sure there will be artwork by the time I visit again next weekend. The point is that a thirteen year old understands that fur bikinis have no place on a battlefield. The point is also that a thirteen year old might want a character in a fur bikini, but also knows that there is a time and a place for it.</i><br />
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<i>Some barbarian princesses might like to feel sexy some of the time...</i></div>
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I have a bachelor's degree in English. I do not want a master's degree. I do not want to continue my education with a graduate program (at least right now). Mostly, it's because I'm sick of academia. There are lots of interesting and useful things taught in academia, and I loved most of my college courses. There are also lots of pointless things in academia that mostly boil down to people trying to feed their egos and separate themselves from other people and build up ivory towers. That is why I decided not to continue my education. It is also what I hate most in RPG conversations. See, I love ideas. I love big ideas, small ideas, and middling ideas. Creativity is awesome, and thus things that breed creativity are awesome. </div>
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Being an asshat about why your creativity is best is not awesome. </div>
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I love a lot of what D. Vincent Baker has added to the RPG industry. Dogs in the Vineyard is an awesome thought exercise and presses the limits of what RPG mechanics can do. The thought processes that the game espouses has influenced some of my conflict crafting in RPGs I've since run, and my friend and longtime GM, Jacob, used a version of it in a few of us playing out world creation in a fun thought exercise. His focus on the story part of story games is laudable. </div>
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I hate a lot of what D. Vincent Baker has added to the RPG industry. Dogs in the Vineyard is an awesome thought exercise that devolves into pedantic preaching about how some types of gaming are badwrongfun. It makes the book frustrating to read. It makes you feel bad about liking certain aspects of roleplaying or annoyed that someone thinks the parts of roleplaying you enjoy are not things that should be enjoyed. </div>
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Similarly, I still read Zak S's blog. I read RPG Pundit's blogs. I read John Wick's blog. I read RPG.net (and sometimes even engage in discussion there), and I read (or otherwise engage in) various and sundry other places where RPG conversation can be found. They all have good ideas. </div>
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<i>They all have good ideas. </i><br />
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They also all devolve into pedantic, angry, dickish, and obnoxious bickering over how people are having badwrongfun or arguing over social issues that should be solved by people just being nice to each other and treating each other like people. <br />
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I realize that I get on my soapbox from time to time. It's something I need to work on. It's also something that the RPG community in general needs to deal with. RPGs are about having fun, sharing ideas, creating stories, and playing a game with other people. They're about a the joy of discovery of a ten year old dressed as Spiderman telling me that he wants to do that awesome fire dragon spell he saw in the Sorceror section of the Player's Handbook. It's also the joy of discovery of a twenty-seven year old nerd finding someone's writeup on goblins living on ceilings and speaking backwards on a blog written by a pornstar who plays D&D with a distinctly unique group of coworkers. </div>
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The edition warring and backlash over who consulted on what is negative energy that would be much, much, much better used by encouraging someone's sense of creativity and pushing each other to make more cool things. Someone encouraged someone to make the black fighter in the D&D Player's Handbook, and it's sent ripples through my little siblings (two of whom are black) as they now have a new source of inspiration. They now know that there are <i>people</i> like them in this game, that fur bikinis are okay, but mostly impractical, and are one step closer to realizing that only their imaginations are the limit. They now know that this is something they can be <i>included</i> in. </div>
Dai Gardnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14394145258658247729noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6364814179406136841.post-39912976544569564342014-09-22T21:45:00.001-07:002014-09-22T21:45:32.294-07:00Benedict Cumberbat and Little Tiny Hugh Jackman AbsThe recap of this latest session has been delayed by work, sleep, and general laziness. We had to meet a little earlier in the day, most of us had worked a lot that week, and many of us had a rough week in general, so about an hour and a half at the start of the game was spent de-stressing, leveling up (from last week), detoxing from life being generally tough, and shooting the breeze. That led to a chatty and not overly focused session of gaming, which isn't bad in general, and honestly was what most of us needed (I think). However, that means this is going to be a shorter than usual blog. People leveling meant Aaron, Caelin, and Tracy got to pick their class specialties. Aaron surprised me by picking Oath of the Ancients for his Paladin oath, meaning he's all about protecting life and light and liberty now, which I think will be a cool turning point for his character. Caelin waffled over choosing between Necromancy and Evocation, but settled on Evocation, because she likes blowing things up. Tracy picked Circle of the Moon so that her druid could wild shape better. I look forward to what she is going to think up to turn into.<br />
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<i>What we all hope Caelin will be doing in a few levels.</i></div>
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We started the session with everyone walking through the woods. Tracy announced that the <a href="http://gaymmasterproblems.blogspot.com/2014/09/session-two-deuce.html">pet goblin dogs we picked up last session</a> were named Sharpwizzle, Fizzlewrench, and Pepperrocket, which she evidently got from a random goblin name generator. Because I decided that due to the scattered nature of everyone's mood we shouldn't go for a more freeform and loose encounter that I had planned, I announced that it was raining badly, and everyone decided their characters wanted to get out of the rain very much (especially Eric, because his character is shrouded in layers of carpets and cloths and he didn't want to be a wet blanket...badum tshhhh). As a GM, I was kind enough to provide them with a ruined tower in the wilderness. </div>
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This raised all sorts of questions, because a ruined tower in a storm at night is obviously a hook for a GM to do bad things to the players. However, the rain was "really coming down hard, guys, and there is no sign of letting up," so they decided to go into the tower. The top of the tower had mostly crumbled in. Tracy used a spell to make a "scary noise" within the tower, which led to some good natured druids-are-all-hippies jokes about ghostly voices telling people to shave their armpits and saying Aaaaaannnnn Couuuulllterrrrrrr and Rrrrreeeppuuuuublicaaaaaans. I told them that in response to the sound, some bats and a disgruntled owl flew out of the tower. Caelin misheard me, and thought I said Benedict Cumberbatch flew out of the tower, and then found a picture of Benedict Cumberbatch's face photoshopped on a bat, which caused a lot of hilarity.</div>
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<i>I am darkness! I am the night!</i></div>
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Amid general joviality, they entered the tower. The top of the tower had fallen in, so they descended to the lower level which consisted of a main room with a smaller room with a well, and a room that was mostly caved in off it. They managed to get the Barrys (the taxidermized chimera heads) down the stairs in their wheelbarrow, and the party decided to poke around and make sure there wasn't anything that was going to kill them/treasure in the abandoned basement of a ruined tower. Eric covered up the well after everyone joked about pulling a Pippin in the Mines of Moria and dropping a rock down it. The rest of the party decided to break open a moldy box in the corner hoping to find...I dunno, rupees or something. They found splinters, moldy grain, and a desiccated rat corpse. </div>
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They decided to sleep, and Eric took watch because his character doesn't sleep. This led to some jokes about what he does while the party sleeps (mostly about him braiding Aaron's dwarf's beard and whispering creepily). He did none of those things. Everyone slept around the baby fire elemental they'd "liberated" from the house they found Barry in. Sal, the fire elemental, was named Sal, because it's the first three letters of "salamander." Tracy likes naming things. The goblin dogs slept piled up in a corner and smelled like wet dog more than usual. The Barrys slept in the wheelbarrow by the stairs in case a quick escape was necessary.</div>
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<i>Eric also evidently puts hair-bows in Aaron's dwarf beard too...</i></div>
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As people slept, Eric saw a set of eyes peer out from a crevice in the collapsed room. He tossed a bit of bread at it, cast a spell of light in the room, and was greeted by about a dozen sets of eyes staring out from the rubble. A bunch of Nuglub gremlins attacked, and got the drop on everyone as they started waking up, because Eric was yelling. Brandie, being small, was grappled, and a nuglub started dragging her to the well room. Another nuglub had done the same with a dog too, and the rest started attacking the party and trying to throw blankets over them to tangle them up. I made the mistake of describing them as "little men with claws and big manes of black hair," which made Caelin think of little tiny Hugh Jackmans with little tiny abs which further derailed the game. </div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_yPucNecfiY/VCD4k0PJVII/AAAAAAAAAeQ/5wlHMp9BGLc/s1600/nuglub%2Bgremlin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_yPucNecfiY/VCD4k0PJVII/AAAAAAAAAeQ/5wlHMp9BGLc/s1600/nuglub%2Bgremlin.jpg" height="320" width="286" /></a></div>
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<i>Nuglubs look nothing like Hugh Jackman, just for the record.</i></div>
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People killed Nuglubs, Aaron started smiting, Brandie critted a nuglub like a badass, Eric cleared off a few that were coming down the stairs, and Tracy found out that she couldn't cast Entangle in places with no plants and decided to find a good florist to get some potted plants later. Caelin is not a very wizardy wizard, and went full barbarian smashy smash with her quarterstaff, and it mostly paid off while the Barrys cheered them on. Eric climbed the stairs to see if there was more out there, and saw something moving in the shadows. It was a giant, centipede-ish creature that looked like a human centipede version of the critters they were fighting. </div>
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<i>Aaron even made me a picture of it.</i></div>
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It scuttled into the room on the ceiling, grabbed Tracy, then Aaron smote it, Brandie (riding Eric, because that's what happens when there is a gnome in the party) stabbed it, Caelin smashed some more Nuglubs, and Tracy got dropped then put a javelin through the Great Nuglub's face which killed it. Caelin killed the last Nuglub, and they rejoiced in being alive. Brandie found that she could worm her way into the collapsed room, and the other party members moved some rubble to get in as well. They found dead, gnawed on bodies of of other travelers, a silver ring, a silver sword, and a lot of money. Then we ran out of time, so we'll pick up later and hopefully be more on track.</div>
Dai Gardnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14394145258658247729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6364814179406136841.post-2039321998652194882014-09-17T22:56:00.000-07:002014-09-17T22:56:53.449-07:00How To Be A Highly Functional Lazy GMRunning a game is hard work. Before you, dear reader, say "well duh" and just scroll to read my picture captions, understand that I am saying this out of a cathartic quasi-bitching that I'm not playing a game currently (and wish I was), but am amazingly happy to be GMing, because it is rewarding and fun. It's just fun in a completely different way from playing. Also, saying that running a game is hard gives weight to the fact that it actually is. I have never had a sustainedly (not just a few good moments) good time in a game where the Dungeon Master didn't actually put in quite a bit of work. In fact, I've never been in a good campaign where the DM's work didn't fully eclipse the work put in by all the players combined. That is a scary revelation for people running games everywhere, especially people like me who are inherently lazy as hell.<br />
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<i>One of the several sins of which I am a fan. The other is using the fuck word which is evidently my favorite word tonight. #sorrynotsorry</i></div>
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Gamemastering feels out of control. No matter how prepared you are, no matter your improv skills, knowledge of the setting, rules ken, and how well you know your players, they are going to out-think you, throw you curve balls, and just end up being obstinate. Corralling roleplayers is like herding cats, and no matter how smart you are, it's almost certain that the combined intelligence of your players is greater than yours. This article was inspired by the latest <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hdJ4K1OyP8&feature=share">Two Nerds Podcast</a> about running a game, and, in the spirit of this being a blog about Gamemastering, I figured I'd lay down some fat wisdom from my time as a lazy and seat of the pants Gamemaster. Here's the golden rule:</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: x-large;">Save yourself time and work whenever you can</span></b></div>
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<i>I swear I'm prepping for next session. Serious.</i></div>
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You can totally work yourself to death planning a game. One of the biggest DMing pitfalls I've ever fallen into is making an entire world down to the minutiae of naming random NPCs and giving them more backstory than your players will ever afford their characters. The worst part of this is that making a world on that level is awesome. Seriously, so much fun. All of the fun. I have entire worlds in binders all over my bedroom, because it's cathartic and neat. The issues with this are sixfold:</div>
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1) Your players will never love your world as much as you do, or at least for the reasons you do.</div>
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2) They will inevitably fuck it up.</div>
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3) You will never get them to experience everything you want them to.</div>
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4) Even if you do, they won't experience it exactly the way you want them to.</div>
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5) They won't take it as seriously as you and will make fun of something you thought was awesome.</div>
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6) You should be more attached to the characters than the world.</div>
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The last point is the most important. Having a DM rooting for the NPCs is a surefire way of pissing players off and derailing a game. The PCs are the heroes. They are the focus of the story. Everything else is the stage on which they...well, do whatever fuckery PCs do. Therefore, the story should focus on what the PCs are doing, where the PCs are, and what their goals are. That doesn't mean that outside forces shouldn't pressure them. If there weren't outside forces pressuring them, there would be no need for a DM, but you don't need to plan High Priest Whothefuckcares's last words as he dies to the great evil that the PCs are going to fight about three months in gametime later. Just having a plot point that "this badass demon killed a high priest and is going to LOL about it to the party" is good enough. You don't need to plot the demon's exploits pre-encounter. Just make up a list of like 5 bullet points (such as "tempted the Murder Queen, Ivanna Killemal") and just have him ramble random impressive sounding shit. You don't need a paragraph, or, heaven forbid, a five page paper on each little thing. Your players won't notice. They want to kill the fucking demon (and possibly take his stuff, depending on genre).</div>
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Now, here's the rub. You're the DM. Your players expect you to have full knowledge of the world. Most will expect you to have detailed the world in exacting OCD details, and, for the most part you want them to think that, because it has the fun effect of making it seem like you know what you're doing. Players fuck around more when they don't think the DM knows what they are doing. It's like they sense uncertainty and push boundaries, because that's human nature. There's a very delicate line between not having a clue what's over the next hill, because you didn't plan it, but having something to do in case the players decide to run over there. </div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2yzX3Umq2U0/VBkNyUJec7I/AAAAAAAAAcs/rGbtC8L49PQ/s1600/oh-fuck-morgan-freeman-gif.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2yzX3Umq2U0/VBkNyUJec7I/AAAAAAAAAcs/rGbtC8L49PQ/s1600/oh-fuck-morgan-freeman-gif.gif" height="128" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>Your reaction when your players run completely off script.</i></div>
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That is why you have lazy play aids that make it easy to improv when invariably the game goes somewhere far away from anything you ever imagined or planned. The easiest one, and the one I use the most is a list of (semi) random names. It is something I need to bust out again for this current game I'm running, because, even though I'm usually great at coming up with names on the fly, I ended up <a href="http://gaymmasterproblems.blogspot.com/2014/09/session-two-deuce.html">naming a taxidermized chimera Barry</a>. Now, that didn't end up so bad, because it added a sense of Douglas Adamsian whimsey to the already...whimsical I guess...theme of the game so far, but imagine getting into a throne room to meet a really important king and just being all "I dunno guys, I guess his name's Herbert." It's not good. </div>
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A key aspect of the name list is to not make it unpronounceable or redundant. Broadsiding players with Xxanadrizzithinia'tkul the barmaid is not cute. Go with easier names like Deor, Geoffrey, or Sophia that are (or at least similar to) real world names that people may have heard. They're pronounceable, easily remembered by players, and you'll remember it too, because you need to. Your players will remember everything you think they won't, so make sure you remember it too. Also, while Deor son of Beor son of Jeor is cool, don't overuse it (redundancy). If every NPC in your game has a name that starts with the letter "A," your players will notice and call you out on it. It takes some work for the list, but it will save you so much work in the long run.</div>
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<i>Don't let this be you.</i></div>
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Making lists of names for small towns, cities, marshes, forests, etc can also be useful, and maybe make a terrain feed list as well. Terrain feeds are just a list of terrain types (forests, swamps, plains, deserts, etc) you want to use, and then listing what can adjoin each other (forests can be next to swamps and plains, deserts can be near mountains and plains) so that you don't have a swamp in the middle of a desert, because your players will ask a lot of questions that really don't have a lot to do with the plot. Also, lists of professions/shops in a town can be useful. Some of these lists can be adapted to roll on for random results if you are so inclined. All this saves you from having to plot every aspect of the world out as you go and allows it to grow organically as the players decide to visit things outside the normal tourist attractions.</div>
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I have said that you should not detail the world in exacting minutiae, because your players won't care about at least half of it. There is, however, a surefire way to make up world stuff with your players that they will actually care about and will matter. Not only that, you can make them do almost all the work for you. Just meet up with them and discuss their characters' backstories. Discuss, collaborate, delve, and write shit down. Not all the players need to give you a Big Bad Evil Guy (BBEG) or complete plot. All you need is one, and then the rest of the players can give you some random crap about the backwater town they came from that you can use to flesh out the world. It's also helpful to hook in reticent roleplayers. If the guy who is hesitant about roleplaying is put into a situation where you tell him that the town they're in has a festival his character remembers from his farming village in his childhood, then he has a hook he can latch onto. This will also inform you of where the players want a game to go. If you plot a big save the world plot and the players want to dungeon delve, you can pick up on that from the meet up and re-calibrate. </div>
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Now, meeting up with the players sounds like a bunch of actual work as does remembering the stuff they come up with. The first part shouldn't be so bad. I'd assume that you actually like the people you play with. You're probably friends with them in real life. That means you should spend quality time with them (says the man who plans to spend at least the next 24 hours only interacting with his computer and cat), and like most people, talking about mutual interests is a normal thing to do. Just pay attention. I pretty much make a rule to only take one page of notes per character. </div>
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The one page rule is also another good jumping off point for just about everything. Notes for the session: one page. Notes for each character: one page. Notes for the plot: one page. Notes for the session recap: one page. Notes for an encounter: one page. Don't even feel that you have to use the whole page. Here are my notes for last session:</div>
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1) Have Aaron find priest. Goblins eating priest's legs. Priest tells Aaron to follow girls.</div>
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2) Brandie and Eric on train. Dark cloud comes in. Dragon and [expunged because my players read my blog] ride in and blow up train. Brandie and Eric need to find party.</div>
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3) Caelin and Tracy need to meet party.</div>
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4) Maybe fog rolls in and everyone gets lost in woods and finds each other? Only use if necessary.</div>
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5) House in woods. Has talking Chimera heads stuffed on walls. Special books on shelves. Mini elemental in stove. No one home. Chimera heads refer to "master" if asked.</div>
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6) Oh yeah, Tanya the bard needs to find them then disappear at some point for [expunged because of aforestated reasons].</div>
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7) Goblin and goblin dog stats for a prepared encounter (more on stat blocks later in article).</div>
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8) Another mini encounter with a single being that I never used, because the players roleplayed a lot and we ran out of time.</div>
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All of this was one page front and back (more like half a page on the back) and that was only because I wrote big so I could read it easier. I had space next to each encounter to keep track of initiative and hit points and other expendables. I didn't even get to my whole second encounter, and we played for four and a half hours. My after game notes <strike>are technically this blog</strike> consist of one solitary sheet of paper that I scrawl on as the session goes on.</div>
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This segues perfectly into my hatred of stat blocks for encounters. Games like Pathfinder and Dungeons and Dragons (3rd edition specifically) have giant, complicated, involved, hard to read stat blocks for monsters. I really don't need to know a monster's move speed, skill modifiers, feats, ecology, and whatever if they're not going to necessarily pertain to the encounter. Honestly, I'm not sure that all of them should, because it's just more stuff to keep track of. I try to boil down my stat blocks to as little as possible so that I have fewer moving pieces for me to forget. Here's the stats for the goblin encounter I used last session:</div>
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Goblin Weezard:</div>
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10HP</div>
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AC 13</div>
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Attack: Stick +4 1d4+1 <u style="font-style: italic;">or</u> Smelly Potion +6</div>
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Once a PC has been hit by Stick or Smelly Potion, can cast Witch Bolt on that character</div>
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Goblin Doggie:</div>
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10HP</div>
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AC 12</div>
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Attack: Bite +4 1d10+2</div>
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Once bite attack is used, doggie's jaw locks. If they hit, they are locked on PC and PC has disadvantage on all rolls.</div>
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There are five Doggies and three Weezards. That is all the encounter was. </div>
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<i>That's all that I used for that encounter?</i></div>
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And honestly, that's more than I usually have. I haven't really played 4th Edition D&D, but the only time I played, we fought against minions. I have no clue what the actual minion rules are from 4th (if someone wants to enlighten me, that would be awesome). I know all I need to know: when I use them, I don't have to track hit points, and hitting a minion kills it because it has one hit point. I can throw lots of goblins at my players and feel okay about it. I know there's also something about saves (meh, I eyeball it anyways and write a random number and go from there usually) and using average damage for weapons, but I like rolling dice and don't want to deprive myself of rolling them. I usually roll far under average anyways, so my players should actually be happy. But the take home message is that I usually don't give enemies anything more than HP, AC, attacks, and a special ability or two. Tracking spells and skills and saves is just a lot of work. Saves can be important occasionally, so I'll block them out really quickly before I start rolling if they come up, but I usually don't do it beforehand, because they don't come up even usually in my experience. I also don't bother to balance things, because I use another awesome trick:</div>
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I make encounters open ended and start small and keep adding if necessary. I still had my goblin stat notes from the session before, and if they players last week had mowed through the goblin weezards and doggies in short order, the non mounted goblin reinforcements would have shown up. Another example of this kind of encounter is the <a href="http://gaymmasterproblems.blogspot.com/2013/10/its-trap.html">zombie trap</a> from one of my previous blog entries. On one hand, it can be a grinder of endless zombies. On the other, it can just be slow pressure to make an easy fight progressively harder. I use things like that less ruthlessly than many DMs I've played under. However, because it seems like the same kind of thing but isn't, I don't condone adding HP to a monster mid combat to make it hard, but a spellcaster could very well have a self healing spell or a healing potion, or, they could just run away, get cover, or just do something to make life difficult for the party. Very few of my monsters just stand and fight if the fight isn't going their way. </div>
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<i>No. No the enemies are not...</i></div>
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Lastly, one of the ways to make life much easier for yourself, and a tried and true technique that I always have on hand is a seemingly random encounter that actually has some relevance to what is going on. For example, in <a href="http://gaymmasterproblems.blogspot.com/2014/09/chaos-goblins-smashy-smash-d.html">session one</a> of the current campaign I am running the players encountered a goblin king and his village, burned most of the village down, failed to kill the goblin king, and killed a whole lot of his people. The goblin encounter in session two seemed randomish, but the fact that the players left the goblin king alive means that goblin war bands, bounty hunters, and killers will be following them and showing up randomly until they deal with it. I can throw a goblin encounter in any time I feel things are getting slow. It can seem random, but it's not. It's a mini plot of its own. Just make up a few and hold them until you feel it necessary to throw in.</div>
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So yeah, lazy DMing is a lot of work, but it's not as stressful as managing main plots, reading pages of notes, remembering thousands of NPCs of dubious worth to the plot, exactingly remembering stat blocks and encounter tables, and various other bits and bobs that tend to bog the game down. It takes a lot of confidence and improvisation to run this way, but in the end, it feels closer to playing (at least to me) than bookkeeping, which is a step in the right direction (again, at least to me). My average session prep time is maybe half an hour to an hour a week tops with this method, meaning I have more time for Netflix, sleeping, and doing other fun things, because honestly, running a game should be fun, not another chore. Too many DMs burn out, and from what I've seen, most of it is due to over-planning and stressing out about the game too much. Cutting your stress as a DM and leaving planning to a series of in game decisions when you have some play aids to ease the decision making means that the job gets easier, meaning you can pay attention to your players more, do funny voices, and generally have far more fun. And, after all, that's what roleplaying is all about.</div>
Dai Gardnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14394145258658247729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6364814179406136841.post-71832943596268804072014-09-12T18:08:00.002-07:002014-09-12T18:08:43.062-07:00Session Two: The DeuceThere are moments that I have had in my career as a DM where I curled up into a ball as my players made a mockery of my carefully planned plots and ran roughshod over my beautiful world and rich, intriguing histories. I disconsolately rolled dice to fend off the assaults of uncaring murder hobos as they burned and salted the ruins of temples full of tales that would rival Tolkien and Salvatore. Luckily, I got over that about five minutes into last session of my campaign, re-calibrated, and have embraced the madcap antics that my players have seemed to wholeheartedly embrace. I don't need to run a game in Westeros. I can do Discworld just fine. <br />
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<i>Yes, Troy. Yes it does. Also, let's see how many Community pictures I can find that fit this blog.</i></div>
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And it was very Discworld-esque. But first, there was happiness, because Aaron and Tracy brought buffalo chicken dip and I made three ingredient chocolate chip cookies (literally crushed graham crackers, chocolate chips, and sweetened condensed milk) and there was Dr Pepper. It was a grey, chilly day, but man does a good smorgasboard and a passle of awesome friends make a day awesome. I had Aaron, Caelin, and Tracy recount the tales of the last session (more or less accurately and more or less embellished for comedic effect), because it brought Brandie and Eric up to speed (because this is their first session) and because it lets me gauge what went well, what went poorly, and who was actually paying attention. Good news: they all seemed to like last week and they all mostly paid attention. </div>
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We forayed onwards. I started with Aaron's dwarven paladin standing on the corpses of <a href="http://gaymmasterproblems.blogspot.com/2014/09/chaos-goblins-smashy-smash-d.html">the goblins he killed last session</a> in the goblin village that Caelin and Tracy lit on fire last session. He was all alone and started looking around for the priest that his character is friends with who was an important NPC who got hit in the head with a rock and and then abandoned last session. Aaron found the priest lying unconscious while two goblins hacked his legs off. Aaron killed one goblin and the other ran off with one of the priest's legs. Since he hadn't used it last session, Aaron used his Lay on Hands on the priest, reviving him, and, after screaming in pain and shock, the priest told Aaron to follow the girls and protect them, because one of them might actually save the world or something (although it would take a miracle at this point). Aaron set off into the woods after Caelin and Tracy.</div>
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<i>The cleric now also only has one leg and may or may not come back as a cyborg villain in the future.</i></div>
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Brandie (a gnome rogue) and Eric (a carpet and turban swathed something or other that has a quarterstaff, darts, and might cast Prestidigitation) were on the train from the last session that everyone abandoned because fuck the plot. They were treated to the sight of a dark cloud of roiling black badness coming from the direction of the capitol city and rolling directly towards them as people panicked on the train. They also were treated to the clouds glowing red and parting to reveal a magma dragon with a black mailed figure riding it as it dive bombed the train and blew up the entire back end of the train. Brandie and Eric disembarked in an orderly fashion as all the other assorted NPCs panicked and were eaten by a dragon. They ran off into the grasslands and looped back to the forest where, Brandie sitting on Eric's shoulders, they set off to find a person strong enough to shovel coal so they could steal the remnants of the train, because that's the kind of players I have. </div>
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<i>It really really is.</i></div>
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Caelin and Tracy were running through the woods until they found a ravine and decided to take a (short) rest so they could get more HP (because that's a thing in D&D 5th Edition). Caelin slept and Tracy used her Nature skill to find food and stuff. She rolled well, so she found some berries, wild onions, and a vole (because I was broadsided by the question and named the first woodland creature that came into my head). Somehow that ended up feeding all five players, because the other three stumbled upon their campsite and Jesus somehow like multiplied the vole-with-onion-and-berry-sauce or something, and everyone was saying things in character that made everyone crack up, and we really were just laughing too hard to care. It's a good group of super snarky, sassy, quick witted roleplayers.</div>
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<i>With calculating food intake that is. And Community pictures.</i></div>
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Fed and united as a disfunctional unit of mayhem, the party set off back to the train to commandeer it, because now that it could be stolen, the plot train seemed like the place to be. The NPC Sara Mclauchlan bard from last week (who also had followed Eric and Brandie) and Tracy and Brandie expressed concern over a dragon being there, but Caelin, rife with confidence in her Dragonborn glory (and knowledge of the Draconic language) told everyone that she'd just talk to the evil dragon of doom and ride it the fuck out of there because they were like probably cousins or some shit. I informed her that it was more like the cousin who was addicted to meth and jailed for being a serial killer, but that did little to dissuade her confidence. Luckily, by the time they got back to the train, the dragon was no longer present, neither was its rider, and the train was ruined and covered in slag from the magma dragon's breath weapon, because if they don't want to ride the plot train when I'm in charge of it, they don't get to change their minds and steal it later.</div>
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They decided to head south to The Library at Howell, which is evidently the only piece of my world and plot that they thought sounded interesting enough to fixate on (probably because my description of it made it sound like my world's version of Hogwarts). They settled for the night to rest so everyone could heal fully, and Eric said that he'd watch all night, because he doesn't sleep, which is a hint as to what kind of character he is playing. In the night, he saw a magic trail leading off into the woods, and, when everyone woke up, he told everyone that there was probably something cool that way, and they followed the direction the trail had led.</div>
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The trees thickened, and there were fungi and mushroom circles everywhere. Ahead, they saw sunlight streaming through the trees and in a small glade, there was a small cottage. Jokes were made about finding a better gnome than Brandie until Brandie and Eric noticed (with perception checks) that the house was slightly too big to be a normal humanoid's house. They dared the NPC bard to go in first, she did, and then when nothing happened, the party followed. The cottage only had one room, and there were some cupboards, a stove, a bookcase and some other stuff. There were also three (poorly) taxidermized heads on the wall: a goat, a lion, and a very lumpy lizard-ish thing. The heads introduced themselves as Barry (actually, the goat introduced itself, the lion chimed in, and the lizard head mumbled incoherently). The party promptly decided to liberate the heads and most of the other things in the house, including the baby fire elemental in the stove.</div>
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<i>Badly. Taxidermized. Lion. Head.</i></div>
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They also stole a wheelbarrow, loaded it up with the Barrys and assorted loot, and set off into the woods again. Mind you, completely disregarding the fact that they had just stolen a bunch of shit from something that is slightly larger than an average human who had <i>talking chimera heads on its fucking walls</i>. They also left about $2.50 in coins and a slightly apologetic note on the table. Also, the NPC bard disappeared sometime in that time frame, and the party mostly didn't care. They aren't the most discerning or careful group ever.</div>
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As they trekked through the woods, they heard the baying of dogs and the yells of goblins. Caelin, Brandie, and Tracy climbed trees while Eric stashed the Barrys and loot behind a tree then stood his ground behind Aaron. Five <a href="http://gaymmasterproblems.blogspot.com/2013/10/playtesting-actual-play-happy-fun-time.html">goblin dogs</a> and three goblin wizards came pelting through the trees. Eric and Aaron both got goblin dogs latched onto them. Brandie sniped the dog on Eric, but the dog was already stuck. Tracy cast Speak With Animals and started talking to the dog under her tree. Caelin cast Magic Missile and split the three missiles to three targets and didn't kill any of them and was not happy about it. She also used her dragon breath to kill the dog under her tree. Aaron failed multiple times to do anything and the goblins in front of Eric and Aaron doused them with bottles of smelly liquid. Brandie killed a goblin climbing her tree, Eric beat the goblin in front of him to death with his quarterstaff, and the goblin on Aaron cast Witch Bolt on Aaron and dropped him to three hit points. Aaron used Lay on Hands on himself to not die, Caelin jumped out of her tree and clubbed the goblin on Aaron to death. Tracy convinced the remaining three dogs that they were all friends, so she has three goblin dogs following her, and they figured out the massage technique to un-clench the dogs' jaws when they clamp shut.</div>
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And that was that. They got to level two, and we get to pick up next Friday for more mayhem and chaos. The party has grown by three goblin beartrap dogs and taxidermized chimera heads, and is now five...beings strong. We'll see how it goes, but it's going to be nothing but ridiculous and entertaining.</div>
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<i>The end.</i></div>
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Dai Gardnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14394145258658247729noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6364814179406136841.post-7266536428301616042014-09-08T16:02:00.002-07:002014-09-08T16:02:52.659-07:00Shameless Plugs and RamblingSo, I've been mentioned on a podcast, which is cool. Eric (one of my players who I haven't played with yet and hopefully will this coming Friday) has a podcast called Two Nerds with his roommate and friend, and Brandie (his wife and another one of my players who I haven't played with yet and will this coming Friday) guest stars on it. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0eIwIGwSHuw">Here's the link</a> to the episode where they talk about their first impressions of 5th Edition and mention my game and blog. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWO4vXL4TYI&feature=share">Here's another link to their newest blog about D&D edition wars</a> which is fun because they actually like and have played 2nd, 3rd, and 4th edition D&D and have played all of them a lot and have good opinions based on actual play. Anyways, shameless plug aside, they're cool, and I look forward to the second actual session of my game which will hopefully be this coming Friday. <br />
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I'm mostly blogging, because <a href="http://gaymmasterproblems.blogspot.com/2014/09/chaos-goblins-smashy-smash-d.html">last week</a> all my carefully-planned-for-maximum-plot-and-fun plot went completely pear shaped. In retrospect, I should have figured. I haven't seen a plot go well in a sandbox-ish game in pretty much forever. Also, my best friend, Caelin, is too much like me to let anybody get on a plot train (and I literally had a plot train that she got people off of) despite the fact that I thought since she was new I'd be able to pull it over on her. I was wrong, I admit it, I wasn't super attached to my plot, and now have retooled things now that I know how my players are motivated.<br />
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<i>When you literally have 2/3 of your players just say "nope" to your plot...</i></div>
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In the past week or so, Caelin and Aaron have both been talking D&D with me quite a bit. Both have been bitten by the D&D bug. Aaron has been writing extensive backstory for Dagarkin, his Hill Dwarf Paladin, and has been thinking about how all the items in his packs came into his possession. He's even given the random trinket he rolled (a pair of bone dice with skulls on the 6 face) a full on backstory and tied a young, Half Elf, Cleric NPC into his backstory. Aaron is the player who is easy to hook in, because he's excited about the narrative, is a team player, and has already provided my (unknowingly) with story hooks to keep him with the party. Caelin has been saying that she is excited about having adventures, and, after briefly talking to her about some aspects of the campaign world, she is super excited about visiting a certain location involving a lot of magic and bees that may or may not be a "vacation" destination for the party. She seems to be motivated by seeing and getting neat stuff. As long as she gets to see and get neat stuff, I think she'll be easy to keep on track.</div>
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Tracy is the one I'm having a hard time pinning down. She's the player I know the least, the quietest player, but also the one who has had the most out of the box thinking thus far. Tracy at least has the shining grace of going (mostly) with the flow. Of course, I also am going to have Brandie and Eric playing for the first time with us this coming Friday, meaning I have to get a good grasp on their play styles, because I've never played with either of them before. That's the blessing and curse of playing with an all new group; I have fresh perspective, but I also have no clue what exactly makes them all tick. I do have fun plot ideas to tie Eric, Aaron, and Caelin's characters together, and Brandie's Gnome Rogue will likely fit spectacularly into the running chaos that is Caelin and Tracy.</div>
Dai Gardnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14394145258658247729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6364814179406136841.post-46533183995546015412014-09-01T18:08:00.001-07:002014-09-01T18:08:58.591-07:00Chaos! Goblins! Smashy-Smash! D&D!Today I DMed 5th Edition D&D for three brand new Roleplayers. Brandie was, unfortunately, sick and Eric had to work, so both had to miss the first true session of my game. That left me with Aaron, Caelin, and Tracy who have never actually played pen and paper RPGs before. They're all interesting, fun, creative people, but I had no clue how this would all go, especially since I had only planned a bare bones session (as I usually do), I'd never DMed 5th Edition before, and I'm out of practice DMing in general. <br />
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<i>I spent a large portion of this session mentally in the "what I usually do" position.</i></div>
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Luckily, the three of them handled the game like old pros, i.e. they trashed my plans, mostly ignored the plot, murdered stuff, caused mayhem, and have already burned down a house. I should have never worried about making the plot grab their attention. I should probably not have had a plot, honestly, although it gave Aaron something to do and reasons to be places since he's playing the only character who is not completely out for themselves. Caelin and Tracy are both playing Chaotic Neutral, heavy on the Chaotic Selfish, which immediately means that forcing them onto the plot train is similar to herding cats. I shall adjust my tactics accordingly... We finished up the last tidbits of character creation from last week that we didn't get to, specifically rolling trinkets and making sure everyone's modifiers were in all the right places.</div>
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They started off in a small town on the back end of nowhere. Rumors had circulated that the high priest of the country had prophesied that some indistinct bad thing was going to happen. Around one in the afternoon on a random day, silver flames appeared over the heads of all three characters and several other people , and Aaron, playing a dwarven paladin, was in the local church when it happened. It was explained to him that the high priest had indeed predicted doom and had sacrificed himself to cast a spell to mark those whose destinies were entwined with that doom. As the local priests explained to Aaron, however, the now dead high priest had been a bit senile and had misworded the spell so that it literally marked <i>every single person</i> who was tied up in the coming events. That ended up being a lot of people, so the church was rounding them all up, shipping them to the capitol, and sorting out the mess from there.</div>
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As part of the church and as a lawful good paladin, Aaron went along with said plan. Chaotic selfish Caelin and Tracy balked when approached by a paladin and a priest in a bar and asked to come with the clergy on a matter of "national importance." I quickly realized that I was going to have problems and told them they would be compensated in a monetary fashion for their time. That got them going after Caelin (the dragonborn wizard) spoke with her weasel familiar and decided that they were comfortable with leaving and Tracy failed her stealth roll and Aaron prevented her from getting away. They were loaded onto a train along with about 30 other people who were marked with these (slowly fading) silver flames over their heads and settled in for a long ride.</div>
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Their train car had the young half elf priest from earlier, a few hill dwarves, prissy elf rangers, and a female human bard who I described as a bad mix of Sarah Mclachlan and John Mayer who Caelin decided to hit on. They also went around the table and described their characters and gave their characters' names (which Caelin rolled randomly, because she found out Aaron did and had just been calling green dragonborn wizard Madame Vastra until that point). That delayed the game for a few minutes while Tracy googled tiefling pictures to figure out what her skin color was and Caelin looked up dragonborn pictures. Tracy is now a bluish silver tiefling with silvery hair and violet eyes. Aaron's dwarf is a total ginger with ruddy cheeks. Caelin's character has a bearskin cape and giant scaly boobs, and her weasel familiar does not have a name and is just called "Weasel." Also, a group of weasels is called a sneak, confusion, or boogle. </div>
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<i>Yes, that Madame Vastra</i></div>
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Those little introductions out of the way, we continued to the point where the train stopped for the evening at a small elvish outpost along the train tracks. The priests got off and told everyone to wait. They were gone for a really long time, and Caelin and Tracy became restless and bored. They decided to get off the train and find out what was happening, Aaron tried to stop them, and they told him that they needed to take the weasel outside to let it go to the bathroom and that weasel urine was terrible and that he didn't want to clean it out of the carpet. He had none of it, Tracy tried to cast charm person on him, Aaron made his save, caught her, and then Caelin just let the weasel run off and she and Tracy said "oh well, we need to catch it now" and left the train anyways. Aaron followed to babysit. <br />
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They followed the weasel to a house in the elvish outpost where some elves were conferring with the perturbed priests. Caelin barged right in demanding to know what was going on with Aaron on her heels and Tracy peeping through a window, and all of the party caught a glimpse of an illusion map of the country with a giant dark cloud of evil blackness where the capitol was supposed to be. Then the weasel made a stealth check and took a magic crystal off the table without people noticing and dispelled the illusion. They got the priests to give them the full rundown of what was going on, and then were informed that they weren't going to the capitol because a rift in reality had overlayed the area with one of the "lower planes" and the capitol may or may not be there anymore.<br />
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Caelin and Tracy said fuck this job. Offering to double the money did not work in keeping them there, and Caelin stormed off down the train tracks back home, Tracy ran off into the forest, and Aaron followed Tracy trying to beat some sense into her that the evil planar overlay was spreading and she'd have to deal with it eventually. Tracy decided the fastest way to ditch a dwarf in full plate mail was to climb a tree and jump treetop to treetop outside of his line of vision and succeeded in getting away. I made one last ditch effort to get Caelin back on the <strike>plot</strike> train by having Tanya the Sarah Mclachlan bard run after her and ask what she was doing. After telling the bard that part of the country blew up, she rebuffed any and all sexual advances, crushed the bard's spirits, was told that there were trolls in the area, and left for reals. She and Tracy climbed separate trees in separate parts of the forest, tied themselves to branches, and fell asleep like Katniss Everdeen. <br />
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Caelin was plagued by mosquitoes and "one sharp pointy bite that woke her up before going back to sleep." Aaron dealt with the bard telling everyone else on the train that the capitol blew up and everyone was going to die (thanks to hyperbole and Caelin not telling the bard any of the correct facts of what was going on), slept for a few hours, then was woken by the young priest and told that the "dragon lady" had been captured by goblins and the tiefling was sleeping in a tree above the goblin camp. With a few of the local elves, Aaron and the NPCs ran off to the rescue. Tracy woke up to hear goblins yelling and being goblins, looked down, and realized she'd gone treetop to treetop and camped right in the middle of a goblin camp. Caelin woke up with a headache and realized she was trussed up and the last mosquito bite had been a sleep dart. Her weasel was nowhere in sight, and she immediately jumped to the conclusion that I had made the goblins eat her weasel. </div>
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There was also a goblin king sitting on a makeshift throne of random odds and ends and he had all of Caelin's stuff. Tracy slipped lower in the branches and cast Entangle on the goblins below. Caelin's weasel made an appearance and chewed through her ropes as Tracy cast balls of fire from Produce Flames at the entangled goblins below. Aaron showed up with the young priest NPC and three elf rangers and waded in with a warhammer. He squashed six goblins. Caelin gathered up her stuff with her weasel's help, took a blow from a club, and ran off. Tracy threw a few bits of fire, then took off jumping branch to branch again. Caelin was chased down by the priest NPC who healed her before taking several thrown rocks to the head and going down. Caelin used her green dragonborn poison breath to melt two goblins, Tracy failed an acrobatics check to jump tree limb to tree limb and fell on Caelin. They decided they would both run away from the fight together, and Caelin lit a goblin hut on fire with Chromatic Orb, and they ran off into the woods.</div>
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Aaron was left in a goblin camp full of burning huts, dead bodies, and general disarray. The girls are running through the wilderness. Caelin's weasel had stolen a few shiny baubles from the goblin's treasure trove under the throne, so I rolled on the trinket table and she got Michael Jackson's white sequined glove (seriously, it's on the table on page 160. it's item 35). All of them were quite involved, after the first few minutes of explanation, and I never really felt that I had to entertain them as I occasionally feel with new players. They all caught on to roleplaying and most of the rules quite quickly. </div>
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<i>Weeeeeeeeasel!</i></div>
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So, all my plot to get people on a train and take them to exotic locations and have them do heroic things are completely down the tubes, and everyone is now wandering around in the middle of nowhere in the woods and a rift to the lower planes is open somewhere else where they can't fix things and none of them really seem to care (except Aaron). Tracy seemed excited to find out that Speak With Animals means that she can talk to Caelin's weasel, and Caelin is excited that her weasel steals stuff. Aaron's paladin seems exasperated, and now I have to figure out how to work in Brandie and Eric's characters next time we play and plan things for them to do that don't involve saving the world or the greater good or avenging fallen allies or anything that is even remotely altruistic, because those motivations obviously don't work. I shouldn't have expected anything else. </div>
Dai Gardnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14394145258658247729noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6364814179406136841.post-34756320662522219252014-08-29T18:03:00.001-07:002014-08-29T18:03:51.361-07:00First Impressions of 5th EditionDungeons & Dragons has now officially released a 5th edition, and I finally get to play again. Or DM, actually. I'm DMing, and I have five actual real life players who I've never roleplayed with before (because my old group did that annoying thing where they grow up and pursue professional stuff and don't have any time anymore and moved and stuff). Even better, two of my five players, Caelin and Aaron, have never done pen and paper roleplaying before, although the number of videogame hours they've collectively logged make my life look practically Amish... A third, Tracy, has only rolled up one character and messed around with D&D once. The other two, Brandie and Eric, are a couple of old hands. Caelin has been my best friend and general partner in crime for years (since our Sophomore years of college), Brandie and Aaron are my coworkers, and Eric and Tracy are Brandie and Aaron's significant others. Caelin also brought Aragorn Son of Arathorn the King of Gondor who is her adorable and extraordinarily friendly little dog. He didn't play, but he liked the people.<br />
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<i>Because I'm a roleplayer and we bitch and moan, despite the fact that this art is awesome, there should be an actual dragon on this cover.</i></div>
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Brandie and Eric, being long term gamers, ended up buying the 5th edition book the day prior and mostly making characters beforehand. Having a second book was awesome, because with three newbie players, there was a lot of reading that needed to happen, despite the fact that I printed off a class/race/gear/background cheat sheets for me to read off to expedite the process. The book, despite being really pretty and containing awesome stuff, is not awesomely laid out or indexed and does not lend itself well to trying to shepherd groups of people who don't know what a Tiefling or Warlock is through character creation. More on that later. Brandie drunk texted me through her character creation process the night before, and Eric had me on Facebook after he evidently wrested the book from her and her wine glass. Brandie made a Forest Gnome Rogue with a Charlatan background. Eric made something mysterious and stuff with an Entertainer background that only he and I know the details of, because his character's gender, class, and race are all shrouded in shawls, heavy clothes, and a turban. He left a lot of background stuff up to me, and I plan on exploiting the crap out of it.</div>
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Aaron had talked to me previously and was pretty set on playing a Dwarf Paladin, which was awesome since I pretty much just had to flip to the right pages, and getting him through character creation was pretty easy. He settled on an Acolyte background, we filled in some proficiency bubbles, he got a warhammer, and off we went. Tracy and Caelin were a little more time intensive, because while Tracy had made a character before, it was in something that sounded a lot like AD&D, Caelin knew pretty much nothing about all the classes and races and backgrounds and whether she should be rolling things or not. After reading through a lot of stuff, Caelin ended up playing a Dragonborn Wizard with the Outlander background and a weasel familiar. Tracy is playing a Charlatan Tiefling Druid with some very aggro spell choices and a bunch of javelins. </div>
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<i>This is Aragorn. He will play Caelin's weasel familiar.</i></div>
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Backgrounds, races, and classes, I feel, are really self explanatory, easy to figure out, and easy to plot out on character sheets in the new edition. While it took us about three hours to make characters, it was mostly because we were explaining things, chatting, eating tasty food that I cooked (and doughnuts that Brandie and Eric brought), and snuggling a puppy that was very happy he had multiple people around him. The only part of character creation that seemed odious was spell selection for our casters (who just so happen to be two of our newbies). The rest of the book isn't awesomely laid out, but it's done well enough that finding things isn't a problem. The spell section really really really needs a short description of what each spell does right next to it. Having to page to the actual entry to figure out what some of the (very complex or poorly named) spells do is a touch annoying. Pathfinder does it, and their PHB was printed long before 5th Edition was even in the works. The index is also kinda annoying. It has several entries that refer you to other index entries instead of just giving you a page number.</div>
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That complaint aside (as it is kinda minor, all things said and done), the system seems quite fun, easy, and easy to teach. Most of the new players already have a good idea of what their characters can do already (although I'm printing up a sheet of what their spells do for Caelin and Tracy, because they have a couple spells with different modes such as Thaumaturgy). We didn't actually play though, mostly because of time constraints and us taking our time with character creation. We're having our first session on Labor day coming up, so I look forward to putting them through their paces. I do find it entertaining that three of the five characters (Caelin's Dragonborn Wizard, Tracy's Tiefling Druid, and Brandie's Gnome Rogue) are chaotic neutral and Aaron is playing his Dwarf Paladin as lawful good despite being told he doesn't have to. I have plot hooks and stuff to make up for that disparity in the party though at least, and I have quite a bit of DM experience, so hopefully they don't kill each other. I highly doubt they will.</div>
<br />Dai Gardnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14394145258658247729noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6364814179406136841.post-47557069745736663482014-04-18T09:22:00.000-07:002014-04-18T09:22:29.163-07:00Exclusionary Culture, Leviathan, and Why More Girls Don't RoleplayThis is about to get serious. The rolepaying hobby is a prime example of a self destructive industry. Roleplayers are an exclusionary culture.. As it often does, <a href="http://www.cracked.com/blog/3-fan-communities-that-hate-their-own-members/">Cracked.com had an article that made me think</a>. The author mentions roleplaying as, "<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">It's the scorched earth method of social interaction, which is what happens when aggressively antisocial people are forced to be around each other for an entire evening." Why are gamers viewed so negatively? I'm introverted, but not aggressively antisocial. Now, I've played with some aggressively antisocial people. Dear God, I've played with them. Public gaming can be extremely scary, and there are catpiss men, B.O. barons, and creepy people who use RPGs as their own personal way of fulfilling their fantasies that should not be aired. However, most of the people I play with are relatively well socialized. Now, we're weird, but functional members of society with friends, jobs, and good social standing. Some people I've played with don't even come across as nerdy. Some of the best roleplayers I've ever played with you'd never think they even gamed. I've sat across from youth pastors, popular high school cheerleaders, football jocks, and rednecks. From my experience, roleplaying transcends labels and cliques. However, it's perceived as a pit of the creepiest, women hating misanthropes. Many people who would probably love the hobby are driven away, because they do not want to associating themselves with neckbearded mouthbreathing basement dwellers who smell like funky cheese and desperation.</span></span><br />
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<i>I have played with far worse than this.</i></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 16px;">One of the big reasons that gamer stereotypes are allowed to perpetuate is that it is extremely hard (or in some cases almost prohibited) to turn people away from public gaming, i.e. the most visible form of gaming. If you sit down at a folding table in the corner of a comic shop, God only knows who's going to sit down with you. Most likely, you will meet one of the players who can't find a group to play with for very obvious reasons, and, if you're at a public space gaming, often it's because you've put out an open call for players and it's considered rude to tell someone you don't want to hang out with them because their breath is toxic and they haven't bathed in two weeks. So they sit there, and when your normal, well adjusted friend comes to a game to see what it's about, they get a less than pretty picture of what roleplaying is like. I've had some pretty funky fellow players when I gamed at comic shops. I've had half deaf players who practically screamed what they were saying, people who tried to enact rape fantasies at my table, and even a guy who was way into bestiality (like, he got arrested for it and everything) and so were his characters. </span><br />
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<i>This will be important in a moment.</i></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 16px;">Thomas Hobbes wrote a book called <i>Leviathan</i> which was published in 1651. It's a book on society and government that I had to read bits of in some of my college courses. One of the segments that really struck me was that a ruler was a composite of his people (see image above), meaning that if there is sickness or dissent in the body, the whole thing is affected. For purposes of my argument, the RPG hobby is the ruler, and all the roleplayers are the body. The body excises unwell parts, meaning that for new people to be brought into the hobby, the less presentable specimens of gamer should not be presented as the norm. I'm not saying completely shun people. Just remember, it's a game, if you're not having fun, don't play with the people who aren't fun. Even more important, don't inflict the not fun people on newbies. Roleplaying is a hobby that more people should experience. Don't scare potential roleplayers off.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">A huge attitude common in the industry that scares off many potential roleplayers is a chauvinistic and/ or bigoted attitude. Now, chainmail bikinis, hypersexualized women in RPG and fantasy art, and slut shaming have been beaten to death in discussion, but they still happen. Fantasy worlds are typically misogynistic places, women are usually identified as second class citizens or pidgeonholed into bitch or whore roles. Even in settings that don't fall into those pitfalls (Rokugan from Legend of the Five Rings comes to mind) still have to contend with the actual players. Never in my life have I heard more overtly misogynistic comments than at a gaming table. Every woman referred to as a bitch? Check. Casual rape comments? Check. Continual objectification of women? Check. Poorly played female stereotypes? Check. Several of my female friends who have played with even my most well behaved groups have remarked about it and been obviously uncomfortable, and by scaring off women, we are scaring off 50% of the world population. Many of the most entertaining roleplayers I've ever played with are women, and if the general population of the RPG hobby would curb their tongues a bit more, people probably wouldn't wonder why so few girls play RPGs.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">The same thing goes for the LGBTQ community. If anything, roleplaying games and settings are less friendly to non-traditionally straight roles, players, and characters than they are to women. So is the gaming table. Forget that women's rights issues are more commonly accepted than LGBTQ right issues, the common slang is just flat out damaging. If I had a nickel for every time I heard "that's so gay," or a gaybashing reference during a game, I wouldn't have college loans to deal with, and most of my gaming in the last five or so years has been with an extremely accepting group of friends. </span></span><br />
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<i>Especially considering that even if gay characters are mentioned, they look and act like this...</i></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">Roleplaying is a very vulnerable hobby and needs to be played from a place of safety and security. It's a game about opening up and having fun and being goofy and somehow expressing a side of yourself that you probably never reveal in public (seriously, most of us have some Barbarian in us somewhere). If there is a fear of harsh critique or even mockery (especially when it does not come from friendly jibing), there will be less fun had by all, because nobody will be able to truly let go and experience the game and immerse themselves. </span></span><br />
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<i>And let's face it, when this face is making fun of you from behind a DM screen, nobody is having fun.</i></div>
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Even worse, if you can get a new, possibly non-traditional players past the bigotry, meanness, awkwardness, and get them comfortable in a gaming chair, there are the rules to deal with. Games like <i>Pathfinder</i>, <i>GURPS</i>, and even several editions of old faithful <i>Dungeons & Dragons</i> are almost prohibitively difficult for non-gamers and new gamers to pick up. Not a lot of people have the mindset, attention span, expectations, or even necessary math skills to calculate Base Attack Bonus, remember attacks of opportunity, remember THAC0, and consciously deal with Force Point Economy. Number crunching and rules lawyering are very few peoples' idea of fun, but experiencing a fantasy world and immersing themselves fully into it are. This is a gigantic failing of the industry and a way that it alienates itself from new members. Sure, there are games that are far more intuitive than industry mainstays, but they're more niche games, and don't have the exposure and brand appeal to expand public perception of the industry or have the table time to show new players a different aspect of how games can be played.</div>
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<i>Why yes, let's play a "simple" game of Pathfinder.</i></div>
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There is, however, a solution. One that will take people out of their cliques, require some work, be uncomfortable for a while, and probably seem like it's not worth it for a while. The solution is to bypass the smelly nerds at the comic store. Let them play with each other. Be the Jehovah's Witness of gamers. Find new players, play with them . Find a new group, and go outside your introvert comfort zone. Zak S of <a href="http://dndwithpornstars.blogspot.com/?zx=2ebea4d2a9dab714">Playing D&D With Porn Stars</a> fame is a prime example of this. He grabbed porn stars and strippers from his work to make a group. Now, he lucked into some former gamers (and more importantly, some disenfranchised former gamers), and so can you. When you grab new players, play something simple and/or make it as easy as possible for your new group to jump into action with a minimum of frustration. </div>
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My friend and DM, Jacob, volunteers at his old high school's band camp that happens to be hosted at a church that is right next door to my parents' house. One night of band camp a few years ago, he called me to come and DM a game of <i>Pathfinder</i> for him, his friend Joe (who I'd played with before), and two of the band camp kids. It was...memorable. Immediately the rules were a problem. The new players barely grasped them, and they really didn't understand their characters' abilities. The Rogue tried to cast a spell, the wizard tried to swing a sword, I had to pull punches not to kill them and they realized it, and it sucked the fun. Jacob and Joe were playing very vulgar and extremely violent characters who just steamrolled everything, and there were no approachable female roles for the girl playing to approach. It was a mess. Now, we had fun, but one of the players said she probably wouldn't play again, and the other player was awkward to play with for quite some time, just because he took the confusion, number crunch, and immaturity of that original <i>Pathfinder </i>game to heart for quite some time. </div>
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Forget that there really wasn't a lot of women bashing in that game. I made a few blunders, and the first one was bringing full blown <i>Pathfinder</i> complete with <i>Ultimate Magic </i>and the <i>Advanced Player's Guide</i>. Character creation took forever, because I gave the players an overwhelming list of options to choose from instead of saying "just make something up." It wasn't a friendly first taste. It was overwhelming, overstimulating, and uncouth. Last summer, Jacob got a few more kids to play at the same band camp, but this time they played <i>Hunter: the Reckoning</i>. That game grabbed several roleplayers who had never even considered gaming before and quite a few of them have become real gamers since then. I attribute this success mainly to <i>Hunter</i> being an easier access point for most of the players. They were already comfortable, because they were playing with friends, and it was far easier for them to make up a "normal person" than to pick a fantasy race, and the modern day vibe is easier to relate to. Also, the Old World of Darkness dice pool system of Attribute+Stat is extremely easy to master.</div>
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<i>Plus it has a one page character sheet. I love one page character sheets.</i></div>
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In fact, the system and themes of <i>Hunter</i> brought that group together, and several people in that group were hesitant to try other systems, because they liked <i>Hunter</i> so much (<i>Vampire: the Masquerade</i> was an easy transition, however). We ran another one shot a few weeks later, and the newbies showed up excited and already knowing how to fill out 90% of their character sheets, knowing the Hunter Creeds, and understanding exactly how to figure out what they needed to roll. It was magical, because they threw themselves into their roles, acted in character, and a few even affected special voices. If time constraints weren't such an issue, I'd play with most of those kids weekly. </div>
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My normal group is made up of veteran roleplayers, all of whom are GMs in their own right. I find that group fighting with staleness, because we've been there, done that, seen it, and tend to snark at each other more often than not possibly due to boredom with the game. We tend to over-analyze, try too hard for uniqueness, and not embrace actually playing the game. We've had several scheduling issues with that group too, and I think I may embrace the whole "Dungeons & Dragons Witness" thing and find people who haven't played and immerse them into a hobby I've enjoyed for over half my life. I'll find people who know each other, who are comfortable with each other, and take the character sheets and have them roll dice and have fun. I can do the math faster than them, and, over time, they can start understanding it better, and I can hand them the mechanics piece by piece. We'll probably start with something really easy, too, like the New World of Darkness or <i>Beyond the Wall and Other Adventures</i>. Y'know, things that drip with flavor and not with rules. </div>
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<i>I'm thinking it'll loosen it up a bit if it drips with wine too...</i></div>
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An idea I've seen bandied around roleplaying circles recently is a player/GM contract. In its simplest form, it's a set of expectations for what everyone involved expects out of each other during the game. Some games such as <i><a href="https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/brentnewhall/the-whispering-road-a-miyazaki-inspired-tabletop-r">Whispering Road</a>, </i>even include a version of setting up such a contract in game creation. It's an excellent way to gauge what people find uncomfortable and what will really excite them. For new players, this can be key. If I can get a checklist of what will hook them right into the game an hobby, you bet I'm going to use the hell out of it. It will help me inform the pacing and content of the game. If someone writes "no sex, please," that immediately means I'm probably going to phase out that band of succubi that I was thinking about adding later on. If someone really really wants <a href="http://gaymmasterproblems.blogspot.com/2013/07/in-which-i-discuss-running-game-for.html">to kill tarantula people</a>, that means I get to include tarantula people, probably sooner than later. As with most ventures, communication at the outset is key for success. Also, be nice to people and thoughtful of their feelings.</div>
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It's something that we nerds, for all our preaching about being inclusive because we were bullied and blah, blah, blah seem to be pretty bad about...</div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span>Dai Gardnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14394145258658247729noreply@blogger.com65tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6364814179406136841.post-44020132598346720172014-04-11T22:20:00.001-07:002014-04-11T22:20:33.146-07:00State of Beyond the WallHi blog. I'm sorry I neglected you. It's been a hot minute since my last update and simultaneously a lot and not much of anything has happened. I got very sick, had Christmas, worked a lot, roleplayed very little, bought a bunch of new dice, moved, and got a cat. She's pretty. The cat is partially blind and totally deaf, so her name is Hellen Keller. <br />
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<i>Also, every picture of her looks like she's possessed by Satan...a definite plus.</i></div>
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On the gaming front, my group finished a half year long campaign in a highly unsatisfactory way, mostly because a lot of the interest in the game had waned (especially from the GM quadrant) and nobody's schedules seemed to be meshing well. We had a one shot game of Beyond the Wall and Other Adventures over spring break (I'll get into that game later), and tried to play Legend of the Five Rings, but scheduling conflicts completely ruined that. We also tried to play another game of Pathfinder run by my friend, <a href="http://gaymmasterproblems.blogspot.com/2013/10/i-think-im-good-gmi-think.html">Jacob</a>. It ended up being an extremely abstract game world with somewhat ill defined characters and we all got confused. The game is now "on hold."</div>
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The one shot for Beyond the Wall and Other Adventures was pretty fantastic. First off, the game is hands down my favorite Open Gaming License quasi OD&D retroclone. It's dead simple (no attacks of opportunity). Skills are handled by rolling under the applicable stat (with a +2 on the stat if you have the applicable skill), attack and defense are handled as normal with the D20 system. There are destiny points to do things like re-roll, and the entire system is scaled back so that it is less complex and characters are far less powerful than most D20 games. The two real pieces of genius, however, come from the magic system and character creation. Magic in Beyond the Wall is not Vancian but divided into three types of magic: Rituals, Spells, and Cantrips (and is not broken down into Arcane and Divine). Spellcasters can cast infinite Rituals and Cantrips per day, but have to roll under the appropriate stat (and spend time and spell components on Rituals) to make sure the magic doesn't go haywire. Spells can be cast at the rate of once per level per day (so a third level character can cast three spells per day) before they are tapped out of their magical reserves. </div>
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Character creation is the best part of Beyond the Wall. There are three classes, Warrior, Mage, and Rogue, but each class has several "Playbooks" such as The Reformed Bully (Warrior), Witch's Apprentice (Mage), and The Young Woodsman (Rogue) as well as playbooks for hybrid classes such as The Young Templar (Warrior/Mage) and The Gifted Dilettante (Rogue/Mage). Each Playbook has a packet of tables that you roll on to determine facets of your character's backstory, special starting weapons/equipment/allies/pieces of knowlege, relationship with the other characters, and skills and spells. Almost every roll gives you a +1 or +2 on a stat so that you can't min max stats. Each roll is dripping with flavor. Your character could get the childhood trait "All children fight, but you never lost." You could end up having thwarted a barbarian invasion through guile with "the help of the player on your right," or even end up with a pet bear (the Assistant Beast Keeper playbook is awesome) or a wife (looking at you, The Village Hero). </div>
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<i>The print version from <a href="http://rpg.drivethrustuff.com/">DriveThruRPG</a> is literally all the game packets jammed together in a hardcover. It's possibly the only game I do not prefer in dead tree version.</i></div>
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It does have some wonky bits. It uses oldschool saves (Vs breath weapon, polymorph, etc), but has rules to substitute Fortitude, Reflex, and Will. It has race as class for Elves, Dwarves, and Halflings (in a seperate, PDF only packet), which I do not like. However, those playbooks are really cool and flavorful, so I can almost give it a pass. It also has a pretty awful print version. The game is broken up into packets (character creation, monsters, spells, and a PDF for each playbook) which make it really easy to navigate in PDF form. The hardcover is the core packets simply printed and put in a hardcover. They are still paginated in packets, so there are like 4 page 1s and no index. It's annoying. Still, the book is small enough that it is navigable, but I'd recommend PDFs for this. I did print out all the playbooks to pass around the table though. </div>
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My one shot was a simple horror story, which this game lends itself to quite well due to the low power level and focus on spirits and unique versions of classic foes like goblins and demons in the small bestiary. My group was pretty slap happy and goofy and ran amok. Much fun was had by all. It was a blast, but nothing to write home about or really inspire anything. It did feature an aspect of the fantasy world I've been creating, but I plan on writing about that for future posts so that I can get back into this whole blogging thing. </div>
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For now, I promise I'm back into this posting thing. More will follow.</div>
<br />Dai Gardnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14394145258658247729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6364814179406136841.post-50667947017054111232013-10-19T21:48:00.000-07:002013-10-19T21:48:01.333-07:00It Is Called Dungeons & DRAGONS, After All...As someone who has very little experience with dragons in games (surprising after 13 odd years of play), I have decided that I very much dislike the standard metallic/chromatic dragons that are presented by the standard D&D bestiaries. Sure, I love black dragons and their swampy maliciousness. I love brass dragons for their quizzical loquatiousness too, and I highly enjoy copper dragons, but the rest tend to not inspire as much as I'd like. Luckily, it seems like there is a neverending stream of other dragons from elsewhere, and while a lot of them I find intensely lame (heloooo gem dragons), most are awesome. <br />
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<b>Rust dragons are easily my second favorite dragon.</b></div>
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I like dragons in two categories: alien superintelligences and ravening dumb monsters. Too often, they're some watered down middle ground (white dragons have intelligences higher than most wizards, spells, and speak a bunch of languages, and yet are described as feral beasts). While ravening dumb monsters are awesome though, it really cuts into the true impact of dragons. Dragons as super-villain, almost godlike beings who would as soon snack on the puny, dumb humans as consort with them. Many can polymorph into humanoid shapes as well, meaning there can be awesome reveals as to who the bad guy is.</div>
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Another factor in the horror of dragons is their destructive potential. Aside from the fact that they're giant reptiles with teeth and claws and tails that can level houses, they have breath weapons, <i>and </i>spells. Some even have multiple breath weapons. I love the fact that a dragon can level a party, but most of my favorite dragons have ways of mutilating a party aside from draining their hit points. Rust dragons destroy their stuff, shadow dragons drain levels, and my favorite dragons, brine dragons, drain Strength and bring pain.</div>
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<b>Look at this majestic beast!</b></div>
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While technically an aquatic dragon, my favorite place for brine dragons are inland salt lakes. One of my favorite villains I've ever run was a brine dragon by the name of Riozzo. My group collaboratively designed a game world to run a collaboratively DMed series of games in. The world, Everith, was a gas giant with floating islands of land. There were airships, and it was a space-opera-ey type game except without the space part and with 100% more D&D (technically Pathfinder). The second of our games was on a moon called Batham. Batham touched the atmosphere of Everith and had its own life forms and ecology. One of the main points of history was a war between the Inevitables (Law) and Proteans (Chaos). Riozzo was subcontracted by the forces of law, and was the guardian of their towers on the edge of a salt lake crater.</div>
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Now, that was thousands of years before our campaign. The war between law and chaos subsided and died off. Riozzo devoted himself to the studies of the universe (physics, time control, astronomy, and alchemy), awaiting the time he would be called back to the war and setting things in motion in his own way. From beyond the stars, he brought many strange lifeforms, experimenting on them, and, once he had learned all he cared to from them, set them as guardians around his caldera home. He was the stately figure that loosed his Akata hounds to feed on the town I mentioned <a href="http://gaymmasterproblems.blogspot.com/2013/10/you-are-not-player-character.html">in my favorite NPC post</a>, and eventually became something of a looming presence in that campaign. Riozzo has also appeared in other campaign worlds of mine. I justify it by him plane hopping as immensely powerful beings are wont to do. </div>
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Honestly, the fact that he surpassed the simple stats of an ancient wyrm brine dragon is the reason he's my favorite, but salt as a simultaneously corrosive and purifying agent played for some important imagery for him and my way of justifying his actions. </div>
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Dai Gardnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14394145258658247729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6364814179406136841.post-78695007970250101092013-10-19T20:46:00.001-07:002013-10-19T20:46:55.578-07:00Humans<div>
First off, sorry. Pokemon has taken over my life, blah blah blah. On to the challenge.</div>
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Humans are my favorite humanoid. A) everyone knows what they are. B) they are endlessly mutable. C) extra feats and skill points (in D20 systems) are great. And D) it's easy to slip into a "human" mindset, because I already have one. Need random townsfolk or a horrifying cult? Got it. Humans are the baseline by which all other races are measured, therefore they're overlooked often. As with other overlooked things (i.e. <a href="http://gaymmasterproblems.blogspot.com/2013/10/animals-and-vermin-are-often-under.html">cats</a>), I like using them to blow peoples' minds. <div>
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<b>Seriously, who is going to pay attention to the guy on the end?</b></div>
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One of my favorite tricks with humans is in a setting with a hidden bad guy and several possibilities as to who it could be, for example, a high council. Describe everyone the exact same, just point out races. It's a guarantee that the human is the second to last one the players will suspect (after the Aasimar). But anyways, this is a short post, because there's not much else for me to bring to the table. </div>
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Dai Gardnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14394145258658247729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6364814179406136841.post-69195951394317388982013-10-15T21:30:00.001-07:002013-10-15T21:30:36.010-07:00What Is My Favorite Grass Type...First off, this post is late because of Pokemon X. I would say I'm sorry, except I'm really not. My inner child gets crotchety when he doesn't get let out to play, and he kinda flipped out with unadulterated glee about a new version of Pokemon, and he was also not happy about having to wait until payday to get it. As a quick review, if you like Pokemon, get it. It's fantastic. I get to have Squirtle in my team almost from the get go again, and that makes me so happy I will forgive any and all sins the game has (which are few and exceptionally minor). I knew I was getting Squirtle soon on, so, unlike most versions I did not go with the water type starter. The only other exception was Black and White where I went with the super adorable fire pig, Tepig. I went with a grass starter for the first time ever, and Chespin has been cute and pretty damn powerful so far. I could seriously gush about this forever, but I want to get this blog post done so I can go back to playing it.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-j2EiVkUVF_k/Ul4RHUSruMI/AAAAAAAAASs/qYA0K1ZjmKU/s1600/Chespin.full.1397556.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-j2EiVkUVF_k/Ul4RHUSruMI/AAAAAAAAASs/qYA0K1ZjmKU/s320/Chespin.full.1397556.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<b>Chespin!</b></div>
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Luckily for me, grass type starters kinda tie into today's blog topic which is about which elemental or plant is my favorite. I've mentioned how I don't really like <a href="http://gaymmasterproblems.blogspot.com/2013/10/outsider.html">elementals</a> as outsiders, and I don't really dig them that much in general. That leaves plants, and I really do have a favorite. I love me some Treants. I'm a huge Tolkien fan, and have always loved the Ents, and Treants really are just D&D Ents. They're also huge, cool, and really brutal to have to fight.</div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Cx8ENExYA0M/Ul4TDeWy3NI/AAAAAAAAAS4/rYaHyQja5kk/s1600/Treant_-_Lars_Grant-West.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Cx8ENExYA0M/Ul4TDeWy3NI/AAAAAAAAAS4/rYaHyQja5kk/s320/Treant_-_Lars_Grant-West.jpg" width="231" /></a></div>
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<b>I love treants...</b></div>
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Here's the kicker with this though; I have never used a treant in a game that I have run. I've only encountered them a precious handful of times. In fact, treants and assassin vines are the only two plant types I've ever encountered in games, and I hate assassin vines because they always kill my character or nearly kill my character. The biggest run in I've had with a treant was with the undead lord <a href="http://gaymmasterproblems.blogspot.com/2013/10/outsider.html">cleric</a> mentioned in my undead post. Benny, my juju zombie minion was constantly killed by a rogue treant every time we went near his woods. Said treant disliked poor Benny because he was an "abomination," and eventually ended up being the poor zombie's complete undoing after grinding him to an un-resurrectable pulp. And that is that. </div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8qer9L6o3vc/Ul4WUdTaS8I/AAAAAAAAATE/YCzD8I_nWL4/s1600/ancient_treant_final.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8qer9L6o3vc/Ul4WUdTaS8I/AAAAAAAAATE/YCzD8I_nWL4/s320/ancient_treant_final.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b>Here's another treant for the road.</b></div>
Dai Gardnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14394145258658247729noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6364814179406136841.post-2724225248022357522013-10-12T20:59:00.000-07:002013-10-12T20:59:15.562-07:00OutsiderOutsiders are freaking awesome. Of course, they also have the largest range of types, because they can be just about anything. From demons to angels to fire spirits to horrors from beyond the stars, outsiders have a giant depth of possibilities. The question for today also lumped immortals into the mixture, which further convolutes my choices, because I do love some Dorian Grey style immortality, but I'm going to stay away from those. It feels like cheating picking something that is a unique creature. That's also why I'm going to eschew picking my favorite Demon lord, Demogorgon, although he's awesome and a half. I mean, look at the picture below. You'd expect that to be a feral beast. He has an intelligence that makes most high level spellcasters look like Forrest Gump. Love. It.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8xTAkCB8aag/UloSFP8K-EI/AAAAAAAAASM/01i8MyCD49E/s1600/demogorgon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8xTAkCB8aag/UloSFP8K-EI/AAAAAAAAASM/01i8MyCD49E/s320/demogorgon.jpg" width="288" /></a></div>
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<b>So cool. </b></div>
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Now that I've ruled out unique creatures, I'm gonna also rule out elementals. They tend to be presented very simply and are thus boring. While demons (and devils and daemons and whatever nonsense category they're in this week) are my favorite category by far, because I like the bad guys, my favorite outsider is actually a good one. Lawful good, in fact. My favorite outsider is the <a href="http://www.d20pfsrd.com/bestiary/monster-listings/outsiders/archon/hound-archon">Hound Archon</a>. First off, they can turn into dogs. That immediately makes them awesome surprise guests. Remember that dog that you've seen around town? Surprise, kids, he turns into a Hound Archon and smacks you down for breaking into that potion shop last week! One of my friend's games used a Hound Archon in dog form following us around as a guardian from the gods. It was sweet when the big reveal came.</div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-zlpKpN2pQUQ/UloW7_kWOBI/AAAAAAAAASc/J6231pKk5i4/s1600/Hound_Archon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-zlpKpN2pQUQ/UloW7_kWOBI/AAAAAAAAASc/J6231pKk5i4/s320/Hound_Archon.jpg" width="215" /></a></div>
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<b>Wanna play fetch with your head?</b></div>
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On top of that, Hound Archons are pretty beastmode combatants. For a low-mid level monster, they hit pretty hard, have a decent armor class, are super mobile (at will <i>greater teleport</i>), and with darkvision, low-light vision, scent, and at will <i>detect evil</i>, and an awesome perception bonus, it's hard to get away from them. Their spell like abilities add some nice utility as well, and, in general, they're a really good option for a fight or ally. They don't outshine the party usually as an NPC who helps the party along. In short, they're exactly what a holy enforcer should be. Plus, they're dogs. They're adorable. </div>
Dai Gardnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14394145258658247729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6364814179406136841.post-89940877296979481202013-10-11T22:01:00.000-07:002013-10-11T22:01:19.634-07:00Animals and vermin are an often under appreciated group of monsters. Sure, the Druids get their wolf animal companions, and every party runs afoul of some worgs or a leopard or something. Animals are ubiquitous in RPG settings. Horses get at least low level parties from place to place, towns have an abundance of chickens and cows or whatnot, and every forest has deer to hunt, but animals are never all that scary. Even in cinema, a place were all sorts of every day stuff gets creepy, animals really don't have a true niche for horror. Sure, there's Alfred Hitchcock's <i>The Birds</i> and <i>Cujo </i>and...well, I guess it could be expanded a bit more if we included were beasts, but I'm not.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lgCTgok40xs/UljB_a9oivI/AAAAAAAAARQ/hS_9GuU3pQ8/s1600/bird.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lgCTgok40xs/UljB_a9oivI/AAAAAAAAARQ/hS_9GuU3pQ8/s1600/bird.jpg" /></a></div>
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<b>This movie still scares the shit out of me.</b></div>
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My animal of choice for Dungeon Master usage, however, is the well known, unassuming, and absolutely adorable common cat, <i>Felis catus</i>. Sure, there's the whole fantasy trope of witches having black cats, and I do enjoy playing off of that, and talking cats are a big deal in certain milieus, but there's something amazing about using cats to set the mood. If there's a cat purring by the fire, people tend to take that piece of scenery as a clue to get comfortable. If a cat hisses at an NPC, it's an immediate tell that there's something amiss. Feral cats in a run down area add to the feel of decrepitude, and having a cat dart off when they fail a perception check ratchets up the tension quite nicely. My favorite use of cats, however, is as a monster.</div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Nt79guGBFZo/UljEcrpn4dI/AAAAAAAAARc/2L6zmN8WmZ0/s1600/kitten.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Nt79guGBFZo/UljEcrpn4dI/AAAAAAAAARc/2L6zmN8WmZ0/s1600/kitten.jpg" /></a></div>
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<b>Not like this...</b></div>
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One of (I believe) my most successful on the fly episodes was started by one of my players telling me that he wasn't going to be present for the upcoming session of my Pathfinder game right in the middle of what I was hoping would be an epic multi session chase. I had to improvise. I had been reading stuff from <a href="http://www.scp-wiki.net/">The SCP Foundation</a> (which is seriously one of the most amazingly creepy things to read ever), and stumbled across <a href="http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-511">the crazy cat lady article</a>. After freaking out completely when several feral cats started fighting on my front porch (I was reading the article at 2am), I realized what had to be done. I pulled out some sweet templates, designed a mini dungeon, and worked out a challenge appropriate super unique monster.</div>
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The session began with the characters waking up to find their friend had disappeared. They found his tracks leading away from the camp joined by a set of cat footprints. They followed the tracks into a canyon, and, as they went further and further down, the rogue bringing up the back noticed that there were cats following them. Lots of cats. Hundreds of cats. Their horses had run off into the canyons in a previous session, and as they tracked their friend, they came across the corpse of one of their horses. For those of you who do not know, cats will eat larger animals. Y'know, like people. The horse had been stripped of most of its flesh. A successful Knowledge (Nature) check revealed most of the teeth marks to be cats. The horde of cats watched them make this grizzly discovery. </div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0sEYMnuc3FA/UljMOwv385I/AAAAAAAAARs/8xnJqws6zdE/s1600/dont+have+cats.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0sEYMnuc3FA/UljMOwv385I/AAAAAAAAARs/8xnJqws6zdE/s320/dont+have+cats.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b>Cats can be rather unnerving.</b></div>
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The party hastened on, eventually coming to the mouth of a cave with a small, wooden door. Their friend's footsteps led inside, and they also realized that they were surrounded. The only place not crawling with cats was (hopefully) inside the cave. They entered and shut the door behind them only to be met by the stench of cat piss and a screeching, scarcely comprehensible woman. One of the players knocked her out and killed her, and that was when the cats outside started yowling and scrabbling against the door. Small furry bodies started thudding against the door, and claws began to scratch away the wood. </div>
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That was pretty much the moment all the players started panicking, and once the cats scratched through the bottom of the door and started swarming them (using the D20 swarm templates to completely eff things up) they kinda fell apart. It was a miracle they survived with the complete lack of teamwork they showed. Two players hit other players with their <i>burning hands</i> sprays, and it was only someone knocking a bookcase against the door to stem the tide that got them out of deep crap. Going out was obviously not going to happen, and so they ventured inwards. They had a choice of two tunnels, and a deep, throbbing, spine shaking purring from one of them made them rush down the other. </div>
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They discovered that the long tunnel they'd headed down led to a room full of sand and cat poop. It also had a large pile of dead, decomposing stillborn kittens in the corner (yes, I went there and now have a special circle of Hell). The far wall had a large, wooden grate, and, with the purring they'd heard earlier getting closer, they managed to knock it off its mooring enough to squeak through in time to see a giant hulking cat like form enter the room behind them. Freaking out, they headed on. The next room they found was a room full of metal cages which they though were empty until a pile of straw in the corner of one of them moved. It was a dirty, scrawny, terrified, half mad humanoid. </div>
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Whatever it was started ranting at them that the big cat monster was controlling the woman and the other cats, and he was here to breed a new one of her when she was ready to go. He wasn't overly clear on the last part, wouldn't get out of the cage (he was terrified of the cats), and begged them to kill him. They ended up mercy killing him and moving on. The next room (and a dead end) they found helped clear up some of the confusion with the whole "breed a new one" where they found the preserved, mummified corpses of clones of the old woman in various stages of decomposition alongside alchemical supplies. </div>
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After smashing stuff, they worked up the nerve to go back, afraid to spend the night to rest because they'd glimpsed several small holes that cats could get in through. I'd also been hyping up the grossness of layers of cat fur and dander everywhere and saying that they were sneezing and their eyes were watering and that their leather armor would probably forever take on the smells of cat piss. Y'know, environment stuff. <br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4tnFVU2L51I/UljVxZ841pI/AAAAAAAAAR8/rzWmpOzqyCI/s1600/hoarder.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4tnFVU2L51I/UljVxZ841pI/AAAAAAAAAR8/rzWmpOzqyCI/s320/hoarder.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b>Basically, it was a dungeon inspired by an episode of Hoarders.</b></div>
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They backtracked to find the giant purring monster waiting for them. It was a hulking mass of matted fur and rotting flesh and fangs and green glowing eyes that smelled of cat and piss and rot. They battled it long in those caves and finally hacked it to pieces and hastened on. Shortly thereafter, they managed to find their way out, find a holding area with their friend, and get away. The cat swarms had dispersed with the death of their god and his priestess, and the canyon was made a little safer for a time. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I love using cats in RPGs.</div>
<br />Dai Gardnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14394145258658247729noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6364814179406136841.post-61075616011695920052013-10-10T21:10:00.000-07:002013-10-10T21:10:03.514-07:00Beauty Is In The EyeToday's blog entry for the challenge asks what my favorite aberration is. Now, I've not experimented much with Aberrations in my games, mostly because they're mid to high level monsters, and most games don't last that long. Plus, aberrations aren't that easy to work into all games. Aboleths are aquatic, and most of the rest are underground dwelling, antisocial, monsters that don't fit in with society. Mind flayers are really neat and all, and I've used them to some effect in the past, but they're iconic, and people expect the same thing out of them every time I've ever run them. Unfortunately, they're pigeonholed like all aberrations into just being monsters despite having cool ecologies. <br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Ruin1VW_K3I/Uld0z22t-MI/AAAAAAAAAQc/sNPVOV113wc/s1600/mindflayer.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Ruin1VW_K3I/Uld0z22t-MI/AAAAAAAAAQc/sNPVOV113wc/s1600/mindflayer.gif" /></a></div>
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<b>Mind flayers are basically mini Cthulhu.</b></div>
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There is one aberration though that, while pigeonholed as monster, thrives on those grounds. They are the floating bags of eyeballs and fun that are beholders. As one of the Dungeons & Dragons classic monsters (like mind flayers), beholders have unfortunately not crossed over into other games like Pathfinder and Lamentations of the Flame Princess where they are sorely missed. Luckily, the conversions aren't that hard, so there are fan made "eye beasts" that terrorize adventurers, but since they're not printed in a book, it's not the same. There's not full color glossy art next to a stat block in a pretty hardback outside of what Wizards of the Coast puts out.</div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6WuEM74PEpM/Uld2aM19s3I/AAAAAAAAAQo/aACCs2MIOwY/s1600/Beholder_-_Scott_M._Fischer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6WuEM74PEpM/Uld2aM19s3I/AAAAAAAAAQo/aACCs2MIOwY/s320/Beholder_-_Scott_M._Fischer.jpg" width="236" /></a></div>
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<b>Awesome art like this.</b></div>
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That also means that it's nearly impossible to find a good miniature for them. Reaper makes an "eye fiend" mini, but it has tentacle legs and doesn't float so it isn't the same. Wizard's D&D minis line has a few, but like much of that line, they're either hard to find, expensive, corny, or all three. Plus those plastic minis have crappy bases and don't stand up well. Que sera. I don't use minis much anyways, but I like having them on the occasions that I do. Plus they're pretty on my shelves.</div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-qzkwym_R9go/Uld4Ik0ADbI/AAAAAAAAAQ0/TnEFW4LrG0U/s1600/beholdermini.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-qzkwym_R9go/Uld4Ik0ADbI/AAAAAAAAAQ0/TnEFW4LrG0U/s1600/beholdermini.jpg" /></a></div>
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<b>And the one from Reaper is pretty cool...</b></div>
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The great draw of beholders is their eye rays. Sure, there's a pre-set list of what eyes do what, but that's beyond easy to switch out, and it's awesome to see a player's face when an eye does something that isn't in the book. They also completely screw over parties. Back the beholder into a corner, turn the central eye and its <i>antimagic field</i> on the spellcasters, and let the eye rays or high damage mouth deal with the fighters and rogues and rangers. They can't be flanked because of the eyes, meaning rogues do crap against them anyways, and fighters fail the necessary will saves from eye beams with alacrity. Paladins are one of the few threats, and an antimagic field and some munching from the outset do pretty well for them.</div>
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They even have ecology and different breeds if a GM feels the need to include all that. The <i>AD&D Monstrous Manual </i>details much of it and most of the breeds, making it a good read. Dealing with beholder culture means quite high level characters though, so it's not something I've found much use for. Still, as bosses of a dungeon, cool enemies controlling kobold tribes, or a wandering beasty on a foggy, ruin covered moor, beholders are freaking awesome. </div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gYnW3LYdYm4/Uld6BBQqETI/AAAAAAAAARA/Rr9W0K_WAvA/s1600/the_beholder_by_frozenlilacs-d3czfwf.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gYnW3LYdYm4/Uld6BBQqETI/AAAAAAAAARA/Rr9W0K_WAvA/s320/the_beholder_by_frozenlilacs-d3czfwf.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<b>This party is probably screwed.</b></div>
Dai Gardnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14394145258658247729noreply@blogger.com0